sobriety date: 10/7/13 :) 2 months ago
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How I did it: I had to accept the fact that I really did have a problem, and that I was a little out of control. I was a private drinker, I mainly drank wine, and I never drove drunk, and those things made it easy to deny it was a problem for quite a while.
I am going to mark this as done. But if I start to feel cravings again, or if I (God forbid) relapse, I will re-instate it. 2 months ago
changed sponsors a few times, think I finally have the right one, joined a group, clarity and happiness, promises coming true for me. 3 months ago
I want/need to do this because I want to be able to get and keep a job that drug tests. Also my mind needs to be clear for my upcoming college courses. 6 months ago
spent a lot of time with my sponsor. The program is working for me. 9 months ago
moving to step 4 this week and my sponsor pushing me to complete quickly. 9 months ago
I was part of a close-knit secret group, and apparently one or two other members who were recovering alcoholics asked the moderators if people could put pictures of bottles of wine and cocktails, and discussions of excessive drinking, under a trigger warning or a “cut.”
I appreciated the suggestion, because while I like these people, they LOVE TO DRINK, and sometimes being confronted with a whole page of DRINKING DRINKING DRINKING rouses serious temptations in me. It all looks so delicious and fun…
Most people in the group scoffed at the suggestion and thought it was ridiculous. I wouldn’t have minded if they had said no, but some of the things they said were so spiteful and dismissive that they hurt my feelings quite a bit. They know my story: alcohol exacerbated my depression and led to strong suicidal urges. It was a terrible part of my life.
So this is another group I’ve left. It’s just as well, because I am working every day at my goal of limited Internet time, and that group can be a time suck.
It just makes me appreciate all the more what an understanding, sensitive, and wise community 43T is…my corner of it, anyway. It’s really something special and I really appreciate everybody here
10 months ago
It’s after midnight, which means I am officially celebrating my 9 months of sobriety. Wow. It’s still hard to believe I’ve stayed sober this long. I never thought in a million years I would be where I am now. It’s not the best place, considering how I got here, but the fact is I am sober, and that is truly all that matters to me. I have a second chance at life, and I was lucky enough to realize it. It’s been quite a long journey so far, and even though I had to hit rock bottom to get here, I’m grateful I did. Otherwise I believe I’d probably still be out drinking and destroying my life, and quite possibly someone else’s. I almost did already. But that’s why I’m here.
I will never forget that day. The day that changed my life. This day, 9 months ago. I’m still paying the consequences. As a matter of fact, I have my court date on Monday. The day I tell the D.A. and the judge, that I am going to fight for the 2-5 year sentence. At first I was going to just accept the 3-10 years, but for some reason, something inside me changed. I strongly felt that I needed to fight. I know I feel like such a horrible person for what happened, but I am not that girl anymore. I have changed immensely. From who I was 9 months ago, to who I have become today, I am a completely different person. I have done so much good since that horrible day 9 months ago. I have turned my life around. I just hope the judge sees that. Now, I’m not saying I don’t deserve to be punished, I believe I need to be held accountable for what I did. I shouldn’t be able to walk around in this world, doing as I please and not suffer the consequences. I just think I have genuinely changed deep down inside. But you know what? I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, and I accept that. I just have to have courage. My faith has to be greater than my fear. I know I can get through this. I am a strong girl. This too shall pass. 10 months ago
my therapist talks about sugar with the same conviction that it is an addiction like alcohol. I am starting to believe her. 10 months ago