stay sober

was my birthday last week, saw my family and watched most of them get drunk but I held out. It seems times like that are hardest, just normal gatherings, no antagonism or anything just everyone having a good time Times that it seems almost harmless to drink, but once I start I can’t stop.

MAN. I haven’t been on 43things in WAY TOO LONG. This is such a great site. I thought about deleting this account and starting a ‘The New Juliana’ account, but for now I’m going to hold off. I’m going to sit and read through all [ok, maybe not all b/c I think I have hundreds] of my entries. And I KNOW a ton are going to make me cringe and shudder… but it’ll be good for me to see how much I’ve changed. And THEN I might do another account, lol!

This sobriety thing is a WHOLE NEW WORLD. I’ve experienced so much tragedy and beauty the past 2+ years… every day I am still amazed at what my present life is like. Highs and lows people, highs and lows. Did come to the realization that I had never experienced the emotion JOY until recently… I thought, ‘What the hell is this insanely happy giddy beautiful amazing feeling??!’. Ahhhhh HA. I think they call this JOY.

I wonder if my old 43things buddies are still around? I know Casey is… who else?

Here’s a new idea… use this site for getting support and sharing my hopes and dreams. If I’m lucky helping other people out along the way. I AM BRILLIANT!

P.S. > NEVER would’ve been able to work on the Obama campaign and go to inauguration boozing it up!

so this is where all the “quit drinking” folks hang out to dry! Still sober, just too busy to realize it sometimes! been 18 months, still can’t believe it… I”m going to start running on Monday if anyone wants to join me on the “run” 43 things…

See you all soon!

so this is where all the “quit drinking” folks hang out to dry! Still sober, just too busy to realize it sometimes! been 18 months, still can’t believe it… I”m going to start running on Monday if anyone wants to join me on the “run” 43 things…

See you all soon!

FAILING MISERABLY AT THIS. But I am growing.

I was staying sober because I was in limbo – waiting for a reason to keep sober or an opportunity to relapse. So when opportunity came, I caved.

I finished A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. I want to read Junky, but first I am reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac.

From these books I am coming to discover not only what I not only thirst for in drugs, but what I need to stay sober as well. I need fervor, I need a fight in me. I’ve realized that to me, I considered the drugs as a way of bringing a certain color to my life.
However, I was mistaken.
I need that “color”, but I need it to come from ME.
I need to get in the ring, to be a fighter like James Frey.
I want to LIVE, to WANT to be clean, healthy, and the best I can be. Like the people Jack Kerouac described when he said:

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

So yesterday was a year of trying to do this…and according to this a 163 days in a row!

Reading posts here, and the Rational Recovery and Easy Way to QUit drinking books were a big help and I’d highly recommend them.

Big thank you to Crissy, Czaz and anybody else with whom I’ve ever traded messages.

namaste

wow, can’t believe its been so long since my last entry. It feels like forever and only 2 days at the same time. I really want to drink sometimes. Being around my best friend T is the most tempting. And I’ve refrained, oh yeah.
this is worth doing, gotta keep telling myself that. :) I need to find a way to relax, chill out, be friendly and personable, etc. without the booze. I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable around people drinking, and feeling more uncomfortable with THAT feeling. If nothing else sobriety enables me to work on my confidence issues, and my drinking problem came out of avoiding that shit in the first place.

I quit drinking one year ago yesterday and it feels awesome!! A promise to myself – I will acknowledge and celebrate this anniversary every year – sober!!!

January 23 I celebrated 4 years. I have a new sponsor, I am still getting comfortable with her. I have been trying to call her every couple of days. I need to work on Step 11 and 12. I have just kinda flaked off on those ones…

My “trigger” called me.

But I’m still sober. =]

And I’m reading “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey. Even if it has lost its reputation, it still helps me.