improve my character in 5 ways by:

Be a more gracious host
Talk to more people at social gatherings
Stay mobile at parties
Answer written communications immediately
Hold back my true feelings if they are negative (in this context)

stop trying to control every situation
allow others to be right or know more than I do
allow myself to be critiqued without feeling battered
allow that I am imperfect

be open to others’ opinions and ideas
be open to doing what others would prefer

Basically, allowing others greater space in my life and in this way they will come closer

stop being controlled by temptation
start achieving grander outcomes by pushing through temporary unpleasantness for the greater good
follow through on promises/agreements/plans even if there is an inner resistance
stick to my routines – daily, weekly

stop flying off the handle
stop being upset by petty or imagined grievances
stop trying to control others
keep in balance
remember that the best I can do is control my own behaviour
remember that it is more valuable to show patience, forbearance, tolerance, understanding and love than anger, resentment, jealousy, insecurity or instability.

Breathe.
Pray.
Change.

15th March 2009:
uncontrolled outburst caused by overreacting to an imagined slight against my character. I created the ‘reality’ of what I thought had been said/meant, as I have a terribly dangerous tendency to do. I struggled, after the initial anger, to return to normal but couldn’t let it go. Made up alright in the end but this is something that SHOULD NOT HAPPEN anymore. I was forgiven readily enough, as always, but I was awfully disappointed in myself and felt so guilty. I don’t want to put this person through anymore of these outbursts and I want no longer to lay out my inner insecurities so barely in front of him. or anyone.
I forgot to collect myself and ask for strength from God; it all went out the window in the hot moment.

IT WILL BECOME A HABIT TO CONTROL THESE IMPULSES.

breathe
pray
change

Sunday 5th April
My temper flared up again over a small thing that I let build up. (the tennis incident). I knew I was doing this, letting it build and knew I should stop it. I knew what would happen if I didn’t turn my feeling around. Problem was I didn’t control it!! I CAN control it, just have to find out HOW!!! HOW to turn around the feeling and let it go. I know it’s not important, I know I’m creating the hurt for myself, even (I knew the other person didn’t mean it the way I interpreted it – scary); I have to find some technique that allows me to get past it.

Should I have ‘time out’?
Should I bring it out into the open and fight about it?
Should I give myself a pep talk and deeply breathe?

I get fixated, I need to focus on something else.

breathe
pray
change