find a therapist that meets my needs

I like the new therapist fine, but he is so difficult to schedule with, I have never been able to see him routinely. Also, this clinic only lets me schedule three appointments at a time, which I find maddening. Also, I just discovered he doesn’t have his own voicemail, which I find strangely distressing. Even though I hate hate hate the idea of having to restart the process of finding a therapist, I just don’t know if this is going to work.

41 and freaking out from old repressed Mom issues, I’ve enlisted a possible therapist for the first time. I’ve begun meds today and have the gift of twice-weekly sessions to combat the overwhelming guilty feelings left over from years of growing up with a very intelligent control freak mother. My spouse has dealt with my up-and-down cycles, and has for years suggested therapy. I am finally getting help after too many stalled attempts in order to save my self, my marriage and my two worthy children from my negative influence, hopefully while I’m still in the house.

I could be imagining things, but, my head feels a bit clearer, although I still feel scattered and have trouble concentrating. Could the meds be working already? Nah.

So, I met with the new guy for the first time today. He was very no nonsense, but nice. I will be going weekly for awhile. Also, I meet with the doctor tomorrow to get my new meds prescribed. Not happy about being on the meds, and feel rather humiliated, but am willing to do what ever it takes to NOT sabotage everything I have worked so hard for over the past several years.

do I hope this new guy works out okay on Monday.

eeep

I have an appointment with a new guy next week. I hope it will be okay. Nervous. I have to do something, though, because I have had real difficulty fulfilling my school obligations this term. It isn’t pretty. The depression/anxiety duo has been soundly kicking my ass (again).

I met with the temporary therapist today for the 2nd of the 3 sessions I get through work. I also called three therapists and made an appointment with one. I have two more people to call, still. This sucks.

Not functioning very well, very consistently. Yesterday, I felt like I had an anvil on my sternum. Hurts.

The good news is that I am gradually whittling away on my giant list of tasks. I just need to get through the term.

I went to the temporary therapist through work, who gave me some names. Also, some of my friends are trying to gather names for me. The tricky part then is getting myself to actually call.

I get 3 free sessions through work, so I’m going to an appointment on Wednesday. I hope she can help me figure out how to find a permanent person, ‘cause this roller coaster I’m on sucks.

I cold called 3 or 4 people on the phone, which sucked. Of course they aren’t taking new clients, or have only really terrible times available or don’t take my insurance. So, I also called a couple of people (my friend, my chiropractor) to see if they knew anyone. Also, I found out that I can get three free therapy sessions at work, so I called that person. I think that is actually going to happen in the next week or so. I am hoping the work therapist can help me figure out how to find a permanent person.

I have put this off too long, of course, finding a therapist. Sheer will power only gets one so far, though. I need some help. It is just so harrowing. I hope this work person can help me.

Meanwhile, my plan is to simplify and prioritize one thing at a time. I seem to only be able to hold one or maybe two major tasks in my head at once. Today, it will be getting in touch with the work therapist and getting help with my grading for my internship so that I can finish that. Anything else I get done, like at work this afternoon, will be a bonus. I need to know more, but I just can’t think about it right now.

Have I mentioned that I’m doing a lot of big, scary stuff for work and school in the next 10 days? I have several big deadlines to meet. I am experiencing absolute, irrational fear.

Now I’m worried that this is too much information to publish online. I wish there weren’t so much shame surrounding mental illness. I wonder sometimes who around me is going through this kind of thing and I don’t even know.

Remember, Faustus says one can’t be miserable on a Tuesday. This is my motto for today.