Hug My Children

After almost a year I can say that my son is back. All the rebellion and hostility is gone and I pray gone for good.

Twice this weekend he said to me, “Love you dad.” I cannot remember the last time I’d gotten that from him…ever.

It has taken months for each of us to retain the trust and confidence of the other. My mistake was not trusting him soon enough. I think he has been waiting for me to forgive him. It has been hard. The forgiveness part is hard…really hard.

This weekend we shoveled two yards of mulch in the flower beds. Two men working together: some conversation, but mostly work. It was when we were completed and after he swept out the truck bed that I told him “thank you” his response was, “you’re welcome…love you dad.” It was all i could do not to cry right there.

There are few moments in life so crystaline, so precise, so important and we need to grab them and hold them close to our hearts. Hold the moment in your hand, and let those whom you love know that you love them.

We embraced. There in the driveway. We embraced. And I told him that I loved him too.

I drove my daughter to camp on Saturday.

She is going to an arts camp and this is her third year to go to this camp.

My son is 17 and she is 14 and I struggle weekly with the emotion in knowing that soon he’ll move away to college and that there will come a time when they are both gone. I know that is their job: to grow and to move on. Intellectually, I comprehend that fact 100% of the time but that comprehension gnaws at my heart.

I got her registered and helped get her supplies and bedding moved into her dorm room. She came down to the car to get a pillow and we hugged goodbye.

She turned and walked away from me back to her dorm. That was hard.

It is amazing how quickly things have changed.

Over the past month my son has made a complete turn-around and I am once again proud of him again. He calls the past several months his “hard core” period and attributes it to his girlfriend and her extended network of “friends”.

He tells his sister he isn’t going to date again until he graduates from college. Two months ago I didn’t think he’d graduate from HS.

Sixteen is turning out to be a challenging age for my son as he has made quite a few mistakes this year.

The young man who returned from Italy only a few months ago seems a memory as the person living in my house is a distant stranger who thinks nothing of dropping f-bombs on his mother.

I remember bring him home two months premature at 5 1/4 pounds. Holding him on my left shoulder as my wife searched the racks at J.C. Penny’s for XS clothing for him.

I remember the scent of him: the scent of new life.

I remember playing catch with him on the afternoon of 9/11 as I craved some degree of normalcy on that day when all of my comforts were tossed in the wind.

I remember that he preferred to play in the boxes in which his Christmas gifts arrived more than the toys themselves.

I remember his hundreds of hours of volunteer hours at our local zoo.

I remember the kindness he once showed to others.

I remember it all and I dispair.

This afternoon I had some work to do, but my daughter wanted to watch a movie that I didn’t care for.

I watched the movie with her.

You can NEVER go wrong spending time with your kids.

My sixteen year old son just returned from 9 days in Italy. He was a member of a group of students from his HS.

He came off the bus and I was so proud to see him I wanted to cry. Of course, can’t do that. But, I wanted to. Did give him a HUGE hug.

His sister as been great in his absence. Would have been very easy for her to complain about his getting to go and her not being able to do so. But she didn’t.

I can really see it now that the the time I am gifted with my kids presence is so, so fleeting. The days pass too quickly. How do parents adapt?

I have taken active steps to be closer to my children. One thing that I have done is to change my work schedule so that I don’t leave home until after the kids get on the bus for school.

It is a small thing. But, it lets me hug them both before they venture off to school and a world that I cannot control.

Hug the Kids!
They grow so fast! My son is 15 and my daughter is 13 and I love them more than life itself and I need to remember everyday to give them a hug and tell them I love them.

Makes me wonder where love comes from. Was the love there before they were borne? What happens to my love when I die? Are they less loved? Geeze…too deep for this venue.