I promised myself I’d have this done by the end of December, and as there’s a little over 8.5 hours left in December, I think I’ve done my job properly. 30 things i like about myself. That’s a list I never thought i could actually complete. I’m not putting them up here because that’s too much like bragging. But it exists, nonetheless. 4 months ago

I can only get out a handful at a time before I get frustrated, embarassed, or otherwise tense. But twelve isn’t bad for two weeks of not really trying very often. 5 months ago

My therapist gave me this assignment at our last session. The last time she tried something like this, she told me to make a list of a hundred things, and I got to six. Because a hundred is impossible unless one is a) lying, b) making stuff up, or c) delusional. But she told me that she thought I could honestly make it to thirty if I tried, and until a little while ago that she was still blowing smoke.

But then I realized: what if I looked at it from a perspective of not-me? Like, if I was describing myself to someone but I wasn’t myself. It’s a little hard to explain. Trying to think of things that I would like in someone else that I also have. And not discounting them just because I’m “supposed” to be like that. It’s really difficult to be thinking that way.

For instance, on my first list, I discounted things like “I like that I care about people” because that should be something everyone does. And I still think that it should be something that everyone does, and there’s a part of me that still thinks I shouldn’t be proud of myself for MEETING THE ABSOLUTE MINIMUM STANDARDS OF BEING A HUMAN BEING. But other people tell me that my standards are too high, at least when it comes to myself. Because if I met someone who cared about people, that would be something that I liked about them. So I guess that kind of thinking will make me able to come up with 30 things.

Also: I can’t in good conscience put things like “I like that I like movies” because you can’t just like the fact that you like something. If that was something I could do, I could just fill up the list with “I like that like comics,” “I like that I like apples,” “I like that I like sleeping,” and so on. That’s just ridiculous.

Anyhow. That’s the deal. Let’s see how long this takes me to do. 6 months ago