I promised myself I’d have this done by the end of December, and as there’s a little over 8.5 hours left in December, I think I’ve done my job properly. 30 things i like about myself. That’s a list I never thought i could actually complete. I’m not putting them up here because that’s too much like bragging. But it exists, nonetheless. 20 months ago
I can only get out a handful at a time before I get frustrated, embarassed, or otherwise tense. But twelve isn’t bad for two weeks of not really trying very often. 21 months ago
My therapist gave me this assignment at our last session. The last time she tried something like this, she told me to make a list of a hundred things, and I got to six. Because a hundred is impossible unless one is a) lying, b) making stuff up, or c) delusional. But she told me that she thought I could honestly make it to thirty if I tried, and until a little while ago that she was still blowing smoke.
But then I realized: what if I looked at it from a perspective of not-me? Like, if I was describing myself to someone but I wasn’t myself. It’s a little hard to explain. Trying to think of things that I would like in someone else that I also have. And not discounting them just because I’m “supposed” to be like that. It’s really difficult to be thinking that way.
For instance, on my first list, I discounted things like “I like that I care about people” because that should be something everyone does. And I still think that it should be something that everyone does, and there’s a part of me that still thinks I shouldn’t be proud of myself for MEETING THE ABSOLUTE MINIMUM STANDARDS OF BEING A HUMAN BEING. But other people tell me that my standards are too high, at least when it comes to myself. Because if I met someone who cared about people, that would be something that I liked about them. So I guess that kind of thinking will make me able to come up with 30 things.
Also: I can’t in good conscience put things like “I like that I like movies” because you can’t just like the fact that you like something. If that was something I could do, I could just fill up the list with “I like that like comics,” “I like that I like apples,” “I like that I like sleeping,” and so on. That’s just ridiculous.
Anyhow. That’s the deal. Let’s see how long this takes me to do. 21 months ago