Iwantobespecial is in it
It’s been a funny kind of a morning here in q land
actually a funny few days
bringing up from within, finding this bone stuck inside my craw
did I swallow you when I ate turkey or have you always been there
spit it up
say it out loud
I am scared.
feeling the tears come and unable to stop them
but I do, because I always do
feeling your arms around me saying “go there Lynne”
feeling unusually safe
almost uncomfortable
like that tiny ship of trees floating in a huge sea of grass
I go there again in my quietness to greet it.
because I know I have to
I can do this easier alone
yet
you, your arms
your softness your tone, your eyes
your surety
is here.
stay with me.
I go
hello, mr. scaredness.
what can I do for you…
you are not a visitor
I find you are a small crack in the corner of the book case.
have you always been there
yes, I have…he says
I only remember meeting you with sophia. many, many many many many times
I hate you
comes shooting out of my mouth
I wasn’t very inviting after you came crashing down on my world, my head. plaster, piping, concrete and structure.
didn’t i patch you up
sheet rock you over
set you straight
didn’t i use a level, for evenness
did I not get the plaster strokes right to rid you
yes, you got it right he says.
then why are you here
why are you embarrassed of me, he asks
that question makes me cry
I don’t know, I say
if I let the tears come will you just leave me alone
that may make you feel better Lynne, but no
what I want
is to be your friend
what do I say to that
my heart races
no
this is not happening
The line rushes in to stall the inevitable
“wait,... in one minute”
