forgive my brother

i have daddy issues… yes i’ll admit to that…
my brothers just like my dad…
even has the same name!
last year he moved out with my sis in law and just sort of left me behind… now we talk about 1 every week or 2 and its usually just about the kids…
he lives like 10 mins from me and is at my house all the time….
we just dont talk….
its awkward…
he use to be my hero…
i never thought any of the stuff he put me thru when i was young was bad…
cause i looked up to him…
one day i’ll be able to forgive him…

He is the hardest person in the world to deal with, he has no emotions he seems like he dosent care about anyone.

He gets his wife to text me to see how I am he has no heart..

So why do I believe he does somewhere why do I want to forgive him?

x

why should i forgive him… he doesnt deserve forgiveness… i want it to be that i never have 2 see him again

i want him out of my life completely… he raped me. he has done so much to me that i dont ever wanna forgive him EVER!!!!!

I have always loved that kid.
I’m glad i finally get to feel it purely.
I love seeing him wrestle his anger now, and win.

big big big big huge mighty steps today. what was a misunderstanding turned into a fight, which turned into a talk, an actual talk, about feelings. i couldn’t believe what was happening was happening. we were both feeling the same thing: that we hated each other unjustifiably. he mistook my worries and fears for hatred, and when he came to realize that everything i said and did back then was to try and help him, he couldn’t believe it. he was upset with me because i never tried to get to know him or find out if he’d changed. which, he has. if he is this willing to listen to me.

this was the most we have talked in years. really years. probably 4 or 5. and i am suddenly, eerily optimistic.

we’re getting along and things seem to be going well… he’s shapped up his habits alittle bit and he’s fasinated with playing music (never a bad thing)

...i dont want to take this goal off just yet though…

he’s destroying himself. and taking my family with him.

my dad says, “try to get along with your brother this summer.” he means that i should talk to him in instances other than anger. i will try, but i can’t discard my feelings.

there is now a hole in my door, just like the holes in his door and the holes in the shed door. now i know that he wants me to get hit by a car. now i know that he despises me for going to college. now i know that he can encite a fear in me that is foreign and frightening.

no wait, i already knew.