be the kind of person I want to meet

OK, so I’m supportive enough of HIS plans and ideas. But what about my family and friends? I think I need to improve the way I view their future and ambitions and decisions.

I am pretty sure I’m trustworthy, but I know I need to stop being so bloody paranoid about other people talking about me, or cheating on me or anything along those lines. Like when I don’t get replies to m texts and stuff. And it sounds like he’s making excuses to get out of texting me :S

So. I’ve met the kind of person I want to meet. And he’s lovely and all. So I need to try and be more like him, but not the same as him. I’ll compile a list of his traits at some point :)

This is an interesting goal!

Hmmm…what kind of person do I want to meet?

1) Energetic! Some one who never says no, and gives anything at least a thought before dismissing it as stupid.
I think I already am like this. Now I just need someone else to give me company!

2) Understanding

3) Patient
I think I am getting there (as I age!)

i just need a friend…

I’ve reached a point in life where I don’t ACTUALLY know the type of person I want to meet. I’ve never really gone for a certain ‘type’ of the opposite sex in the first place (as long as they’re smart, weet and have a kick-ass music taste I’m happy. And nice hair)

So… I’ll need to keep improving myself to be the best me I can be. Because that’s all I can do.

I’m drawing a line under the previous entries. I currently think that my personality is almost exactly how I want it to be, with a few more tweaks (or stop being self-centered and shy) it will be brilliant.
And of course, learning to love myself for who I am plays a big role in being who I want to meet. I find it so hard to do this when I find it hard to look in the mirror sometimes. Mornings yukyukyuk.

It’s just my appearance I have issues with… obviously I’m not going to look exactly like the kind of person I want to meet, but I’d like to at least have a fit and healthy body and a fresh, pretty face. And of course, cute clothes would round it off. Maybe this isn’t the correct goal for me… just pursue it.

Well, yesterday. A person in the line at the canteen was short of money (well, two people actually) so I paid their change. How ‘generous’ of me. And no, I don’t want paying back!!

And I don’t want any recognition. END blowing own trumpet

I keep getting really, really bad mood swings. I think they usually happen after reading certain types of book, or watching certain types of movie. Last time I had a really bad one, I had to spend the day after off school to recuperate.

I noticed that it’s generally movies and books with a love undertone, which remind me of better times, and have happy ending. What is WRONG with me?!

“Become for yourself the person you want to find.”
Cheri Huber, Zen teacher and writer

“In order to find peace within, I have heard, you must learn to become your own best friend. Though the sentiment makes my inner “tough girl” cringe, I knew, during that summer two years ago, that it was true. I had to begin cultivating a friendship with myself, seeking out the positive in me so that I and I could be in the same room without killing each other. If I was ever going to have a lasting relationship with another person, I was going to have to become a person that I liked, a person that I could say in all sincerity was pretty great, someone who inspired me, loved me, listened to me, someone I could imagine being with for life. I was going to have to become the person I wanted to find.

“How did I begin to do this? With a lot of help and patience and, most importantly, a sense of humor.

“To approach the difficult aspects of the self is, well, difficult. So I asked for help; from friends, from people who knew more than me about how to live a spiritually rich life, and from a higher power; out of desperation, I practiced blind faith, concluding that any brand of faith was better than none at all. The collection of answers I received from all directions could have been woven into a long, soft, colorful scarf draped around my neck for all to see. The guidance, simple and precious, is this: seek out joy. Wherever you can, as often as possible, and in the most ordinary of moments.

“So I started small -— a cup of coffee in the morning with my cat Cleo on my lap, sandalwood incense, reading poetry out loud in my living room to no one but Cleo for an audience, Latin music on my stereo at the end of a long day -— and worked my way up.

“Now on my growing list of things that bring me joy (salsa dancing), soothe me (being surrounded by shelves and shelves of books), and inspire me (live performance), my friendships with other women are at the top of my list. They have been as essential as oxygen. These past two years, I have reached out like never before and, as a result, my friendships are flourishing.

“I am back in touch with a friend in Arizona, with whom I’d lost touch: our daily email exchange is rich, loving, helpful. I speak twice a month with another long-distance friend who, when my world shrunk, I’d drifted from. A friend from graduate school and I make phone dates to talk about our current writing projects and encourage each other to keep at it.

“The emotional intimacy my friendships provide makes up for lack of romantic connection in ways I never could have imagined. While nearly every one of my close friends is partnered, each has shown me that romance is something I don’t need to sit around and wait for. There are candles and baths. Old movies and flowers. Poetry readings and concerts and walks in the woods.

“My friends gently point out that I would never treat them the way I sometimes treat myself; the longer I let myself stay sad, they remind me, the sadder I will get. They say: you are doing much better than you think you are. They tell me: feel whatever it is you feel, it’s okay, just don’t make it worse. I count on one friend to relay my favorite teaching: “It’s okay,” she says. “Eat a slice of pizza. Have some chocolate. It won’t kill you.” God bless her.

“Near and far, at work and online, my friends sustain me. We talk on the phone. We email. We make art together. We hang blinds. And we talk. And talk. And talk.

“Then I come home to my empty apartment, after I’ve done everything I can to avoid it, sit in my living room and visit with the person who is fast becoming one of my best friends: me. It is one of the stormier relationships in my life yet the most important one I’ll ever have. There is no substitute for depending on myself first and foremost for the things I need most: love, friendship, fun.

“So when I am home, and I am lonely, and I start to sink, I allow myself to sink, for a short time. Then I get up, and I make do: make dinner, make a call, take a drive to the bookstore. Or I just put on Tito Puente and a light summer dress and let my hips do their thing.”
from Being Mine, by Laura Didyk
http://www.kripalu.org/article/379