re-learn to love my body by focusing on the parts I like

I have fairly high cheekbones – which I like. I’m not a beautiful woman by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m pleasant looking and occasionally, with a bit of effort and artful hair and makeup.. I think I may actually pass for pretty – and my cheekbones have a lot to do with that I believe!

I like my boobs! No, actually, I LOVE my boobs!! Considering my weight, they really aren’t that big (although, maybe if the rest of me were a bit smaller, they would look bigger?? lol) and they point a little more south than I would like them to I guess, but all in all – I have a pretty good rack!! Haha!

I hear women stress about their bust size, shape etc quite a bit and I must say, it baffles me. Believe me, I stress about other parts of body (although I’m doing my best to change that) but I never have about the ‘girls’. I know women with small breasts who wish they were bigger, big busted women who wish they were smaller, some are happy with their size, but they think they are too droopy or lopsided or stretch-marked…

Well, I am here to say that I LOVE my boobs just as they are right now. One is slightly larger than the other, just like 98% of the female population of the world and I range between a generous C cup to a D or even DD depending on the style of bra. I have a few pale stretch marks and a couple of freckles and even a small white scar where one freckle had to be removed when I was about 20 – but to me, all breasts are wonderful! They are womanly and sensual and allow me to wear great tops which show off my killer cleavage. I am proud to have a full curvaceous bust line – and if anyone ever asks me what I like best about my body, the answer will always be the same… my boobs!!

I don’t know if I have ever loved my body… even as a child, I was always taller than all of my friends and heavier than all of my friends… but surely there was a part of me that actually liked myself at SOME point?Actually, that’s not quite right – I DO like myself… it’s my body I’ve never really liked. But I want to. I really, truly want to. And that’s the main thing, isn’t it?

So, in the spirit of trying to like my body, I am (finally) starting this goal!!

First up is…. my skin!

I have been blessed genetically and for that I am eternally grateful! My skin is clear, I don’t get pimples or blemishes often – and if I do, they go away fairly quickly. I have a few freckles, but otherwise, it is quite even and I rarely feel like I have to wear foundation on the odd occasion I actually wear make-up!

So there you are… the first thing I like about my body is my skin!

I have nice, shapely shoulders and collarbones. I noticed them recently for the first time in ages and remembered that I’ve always liked them.

I think it’s a mighty fine goal! I had one similar, but I like the wording of this one!

I like hands in general. They do things, they touch things, they make things; holding hands is one of the nicest things in the world, and they’re quite miraculous pieces of natural engineering. (Go on, look at your hand. Flex your fingers, together and separately. Look at the way the palm creases and the way the tendons move at the back. Amazing, isn’t it?)

I like my hands in particular, too. They’re a little big for a woman’s hands, but they’re in good proportion to my frame. They have long shapely fingers that look elegant when my nails are long and capable when they’re short. They have character too: a scar on one knuckle that you can only see when I make a fist, a callus on the top knuckle of my right middle finger from the way I hold a pen. I have two odd fingerprints – they’re all loops except my right thumb and left index finger, which are spirals.

I won’t be quite so effusive about all the bits of me I find to like, I promise. I just have a thing for hands, and the more I look at mine the more I like them.

these are the parts I don’t like: my eyebrows, my nostrils, the flabby bit under my chin, my upper arms, my skin my skin I hate my skin, my breasts, my tummy, the rolls at the sides of my back, my thighs, my knees, my big toes.

I’ve been pondering posting this goal for a couple weeks, wondering if it was healthy. I’m supposed to be working on genuine deep-down happiness, not using the self-esteem boost I get from feeling physically desirable (which, if I’m honest, is what this is really about) to make me feel temporarily better about myself. Not that there’s anything wrong in itself with wanting to feel desirable, but when it gets to be such a crutch that the least hint of not being wanted by a lover casts me down completely disproportionately, it’s become very unhealthy. And then it gets tangled in my head because I don’t want to be wanted just for my physical appearance. Maybe it’s only when you’re happy with your body that you have the luxury of saying looks don’t matter.

So yeah, there are some complicated issues around the whole thing, but I do still want to feel better about my body for my own sake, whatever anyone else might think of it. I know I used to, and some part of me still does; during a recent conversation about body image with some friends I found myself saying that I loved my curves and really meaning it. I need to find that part of me and feed it until I’m happy enough that it’s no longer an issue.