celebrate shoemakers 46th birthday (june 5th) by posting lawyer jokes here

I can’t think of any lawyer jokes so I sent this elephant instead.

Happy Birthday

I hope you had a wonderful day!! Sorry, I don’t know any lawyer jokes;)

ends with “a good start.” I think it’s the oldest one there is.

Happy birthday, shoemaker!

I’m late, but I have a good lawyer joke. ;)

A lawyer crashes his BMW into a tree and totals it. In the ambulance, all he can moan is. “My BMW, my BMW!”

The paramedic says, “Sir, I am sorry about your car, but I am afraid your losses are worse than you think. Look at your left arm.”

The lawyer looks down at his left arm, which is severed just below the left elbow.

“Aaaaaaa!” he screams, “My Rolex, my Rolex!”

Wiiliam Fisher
vs
Karen LOWE, Larry Moffet and State Farm Insurance
Docket No. 60732
Court of Appeals of Michigan.
Decided Jan. 10, 1983.
Syllabus
A wayward Chevy struck a tree
Whose owner sued defendants three.
He sued car’s owner, driver two,
And insurer for what was due
For his oak tree that now may bear
A lasting need for tender care.
The Oakland County Circuit Court,
John N. O’Brien, J., set forth
The judgment that defendants sought
And quickly an appeal was brought.
Court of Appeals, J.H. Gillis, J.,
Gave thought and then had this to say:
1) There is no liability
Since No-Fault grants immunity;
2) No jurisdiction can be found
Where process service is unsound;
And thus the judgment, as it’s termed,
Is due to be, and is, Affirmed.

Opinion
Before BRONSON, P.J., and V.J. BRENNAN and J.H. GILLIS, JJ.
J.H. GILLIS, Judge.
We thought that we would never see
A suit to compensate a tree.
A suit whose claim in tort is prest
Upon a mangled tree’s behest;
A tree whose battered trunk was prest
Against a Chevy’s crumpled crest;
A tree that faces each new day
With bark and limb in disarray;
A tree that may forever bear
A lasting need for tender care.
Flora lovers though we three,
We must uphold the court’s decree.
.... Affirmed.

A man walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.

“I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But there is one condition. I am a lawyer’s genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well—only double.”

The man thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he announced.

Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But every lawyer in the world has just recieved $20,000,000,” the genie said.

“I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” the man said. “That’s my second wish.”

Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But every lawyer in the world has just received two Ferraris,” the genie said. “And what is your last wish?”

“Well,” said the man, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney…

_{Here are my wishes for Shoemaker for the coming year: May you have more self control when you need it, but also the knowledge of when to let it go such as when you should cry instead of holding it in. May you sort out the back pay owed to you, while organizing your financials. And may you eat healthier and exercise regularly so that you will lose weight.}

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out!”

But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger’s message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

“What did he say?” asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, “He said ‘Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.’”

... wishing you a wonderful 46th Birthday…

Sorry no jokes, but hoping you have an amazing year ahead.

Many happy returns ~ Nonna x

I don’t have any jokes, shoot if’n I did, I would probably mess up the punch line anyway.

But what I do have, is lots of Birthday wishes for you.
Blessings on your family life, may you continue to grow in love. Blessings on your finances.

Blessings of laughter and peace for those hard to get through times. Blessings of many wonderful nights of relaxation and joy being with your wife.
You are indeed a wonderful treasure Shoe, it’s been my honor to get to know you. I hope nothing but continues blessing on your life.

Love
T