Look better than I did 10 years ago

This is tricky because I will have to a) afford some new clothes and choose them wisely after b) losing weight c) doing something about my hair d) stopping my wrinkles in their tracks! LOL

I think this is all possible, but I’ve never bothered so far so some old habits will have to change!

J.

Ankle problems notwithstanding, I’ve made some headway on the Wii Fit. I’m up to 100 jackknives (evil sit-ups – you raise both your torso and your legs) now; not only can I do them, but I don’t hurt the next day. My ranking is now Guru. Abs of Steel! (With a little cozy blanket of pudge on top.)

Next up, the Plank Challenge; I want to reach Guru status on that, as well. Then we’ll see if I can jog for 10 minutes (roughly 1.25-1.5 miles) without gasping for breath. (Don’t expect fast progress on that one. No Lungs of Steel here.)

I’m also eating better; it’s hard to let myself give in to the junk food after working out, and I eventually hope to work out every day. Yeah, I can’t believe I’m saying this, either.

One more oddity to throw out: One (at least) of my gray hairs has reversed itself. R found it today: a long white hair with a dark root (about 2 inches of root, to be exact). I’ve seen the opposite – dark hairs that fade to white (they turn red first) – but never a white hair that turns dark again. Try as I might, I can’t explain it. I feel a Google search coming on.

Mom told me the other day that she thinks women look their best at 40. Maybe it’s because we try harder. God knows I never dreamed I would ever put forth this sort of effort…

I’ve gained 5.5 lbs since yesterday. It’s water, but the Wii Balance Board doesn’t know that. Annoying little twerp. It asked for a reason for the weight gain – like I have to justify myself to it. Of course, “water retention” isn’t an option; I had to go for “indigestion.” It told me to eat more fiber. All the while, I’m looking at my pale, swollen ankles reflected in the TV screen. Fiber. Yeah, that’ll help.

I suppose it is good, in a way, to have this piece of electronic equipment nagging me. I might refrain from eating junk this evening now that I know I’ll get yelled at about it tomorrow.

Or I might have some nachos out of spite. The jury’s still out on that one.

so says my Wii Fit trainer.

I don’t believe her. I’ve seen photos.

Like, uh, now. I’m all hunched over the keyboard. In the car, I slouch so my short arms can reach the radio buttons. I also tend to hunch while reading, ‘cause I’m blind. While standing, I just slouch.

I’d look and feel better if I stood up straight. My back probably wouldn’t seize up like it did last week. Breathing would be easier. I’d even look taller.

Humorously enough, what brought my posture to my attention was not the Wii, but the Sims. When they’re just standing around doing nothing, Sims tend to slump. At least mine do. And for some reason it annoys me – bad enough that when they do that, I make them go do something else.

Time to play god on the alpha Sim (me).

I’ve tried very hard not to be a vain person. Looks are fleeting, they don’t matter, blah blah. And for the most part, I live this. I don’t wear makeup most days. Other than making sure all the body parts are clothed in attire appropriate to the day’s venue, I put little thought into my appearance. I barely look in the mirror during the day, unless I think I’ve got something caught in my teeth. For the most part, I function with no concept of my physical appearance, because that’s not what I want people to notice about me.

This is not to say I’m completely happy with the way I look. For most of my young life, I was underweight and incredibly self-conscious about it. Then I grew to accept myself, and of course promptly gained weight. Then lost it. Then gained some back. (I’m not talking 5 or 10 pounds, either. More like +40 -30 +10.) Parts of the weight gain were nice. (Hello, breasts.) Parts were not. (Thighs, I’m looking at you.) To misquote Casual Sex, I’m happy with my weight, just not the way I wear it.

And then there’s my face. I rather liked the way it looked when I was thinner. That was my face. Now it’s all round. I’m not unhappy enough with it to go the surgery route, but I would like some of the pudge to go away. I’d also like to get my teeth fixed; I’ve got several very stained fillings from my coffee-drinking days that make me too self-conscious to smile with my mouth open. I just don’t have the money to get them fixed right now.

But I can exercise. Firm up the jiggly bits (and hope the chest stays…it’s not much, but it’s more than I’m used to having), tone the skinny bits, and hope my face slims down. I’d like to feel like I look good again before I have a baby and stretch everything out of whack. :)

I don’t want my life to revolve around my appearance. It’s not my thing. But I would like to feel better about it when I do happen to look at myself.