Had an off day today though. I have eaten my weight in Skittles and other junk food. I even stopped at McDonalds on the way home from shopping for a Quarter Pounder. I guess you could say I was having a down day and I used the food to fill the gaps that I am feeling at the moment.

Tomorrow I will do better and be back on it. For tonight, I am giving myself an evening off work and I’m going to nap with Ben and watch some sort of mid-mopey chick flick or something.

I deserve some time off not worrying about stupid coursework folders or ironing or housework!!! 3 weeks ago

Roll with it!

I feel absolutely knackered, despite eating fruit and vegetables. I suppose I shouldn’t expect miracles as Rome wasn’t built in a day. Haha. (That saying is ridiculous!) Anyway, I’ve done no exercise again because it’s GCSE marking time and I’m re-moderating all of my pre-marked work. Some of it was marked when I was on a downer and I took that out on my kids which totally isn’t fair. Exercise will have to come when GCSE stuff is over. I’m feeling ok though.

Breakfast: Cornflakes & Skimmed milk
Lunch: Chicken and Mayo sarnie with a packet of crips (yes I slipped up but that’s ok)
Snack: Pear
Dinner: Roast Chicken and vegetables (no roast potatoes today either)

This morning I had a bath and a skin brush. I moisturised my whole body and had a lay in in bed before-hand which was blissful!

Unfortunately, more work awaits! Eugh! 1 month ago

My weight has been a problem for me since I got together with Ben but it’s been an issue for me all my life. My mum made it a big deal when I was a child, telling me how fat I looked in the clothes she picked etc. She didn’t mean to but she was a size 6 model stick Barbie-like thing and because of that she made comments. I’ve always been a size 10 or above but I’ve gotten bigger as the years have gone on. I’ve put on something like 3 stone in the last 4 years so 1 stone isn’t so much of a big ask anymore. I’ve gone up 3 dress sizes from a slim size 10 to an unhealthy size 16. Don’t get me wrong: some people are size 16 and healthy and they look beautiful with it but I don’t fall into that category, unfortunately. Naturally, my body best suits a size 12 and that’s when I’m at my happiest weight. I feel better and I find it easier to get about. Currently,only a tiny amount of exercise gets me out of breath.

When I was with my previous partner I had trouble keeping the weight on and eating food in general. Being that way, made me tired and grouchy but the more weight I lost, the more inclined I became to not eat. When we split, I lost even more weight so that when I got with Ben I was probably at the lowest weight I’ve been since I was a child. I didn’t weigh myself then but my size 10 clothes were loose.

Having said this, I was healthier and happier then than I am now. I was slim and I felt good about my body, despite the tiredness. I now need to find a balance. I have to be serious about this!!!

My father has just been diagnosed as diabetic and there have been 2 deaths from cancer in my extended family. It’s taken that to make me realise that life is too short and I should stop procrastinating and making excuses for myself. 1 month ago

I have made the decision to actually take this goal seriously and get on with it.

Yesterday I went for a 4 mile walk. I really enjoyed the space and thinking time so I’m considering doing it again soon.

We had a salad for dinner last night and agreed it was amazing to be back on nice and proper food again.

It’s time to get back on track! 4 months ago

I’m on holiday for the next two weeks. We’ve decided to start again when I go back to school so that we’re really lavishing ourselves with whatever we want and enjoying what’s left of the time without school taking over every inch of my life.

But here’s the plan:

My goal is to lose 1 stone in weight and to become fitter, having more energy to keep going for longer so that I can party and work hard and enjoy more of my life while I’m young. This is my health, work and family goal. When I have achieved my goal I will feel better about myself, have increased self confidence and more energy which means that I will be able to enjoy my life more. In order to meet my goal I must make sure that I adhere to some strict dates. However if I do so, I will give myself some incentives/ prizes.

1. I will lose 2lb by the 9th September 2012 (Prize: 12p Maoam sweet bar- my favourite and only available at the Spa!)
2. I will lose 2lb (4lb total) by the 16th September 2012 (Prize: Cosmopolitan magazine or other junky womens’ mag- because at the moment it’s an extravagent thing that I choose to go without but occasionally wish I could laugh my way through)
3. I will lose 2lb (6lb total) by the 23rd September 2012 (Prize: Silly photographs in a photo booth because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do properly)
4. I will lose 2lb (8lb total) by the 30th September 2012 (Prize: Get the following Saturday off without doing Marking or Planning- just go to lunch with a friend in town and chill because school tends to take over my entire life by mid way through the half term)
5. I will lose 2lb (10lb total) by the 7th October 2012 (Prize: Walk and a Picnic with Ben because it’ll give us a break to spend together and I usually relish any time we have but we do nothing except watch TV)
6. I will lose 2lb (12lb total) by the 14th October 2012- (Prize: Cinema trip. There’s lots I want to see due for release over the next two months and we never cinema it up during the term)
7. I will lose 2lb (14lb total) by the 21st October 2012- (Prize: Spend the Thursday of ½ term week in an expensive hotel room because it’s on my list of things to do and would be a real treat for reaching my goal)

In order to achieve this goal I will need the support of Ben. I will need to ensure that I buy healthy food and do not have massive stashes of chocolate hidden in the drawers dotted around the house. I will need to ensure that I have my meals planned out in advance and that I come home at a sensible hour so I am not stuffing something that is only half edible at 11pm. I will need to make time to exercise at least twice a week, around my school hours. I will also need to ensure the support of my family because my mother’s comments about how I am fat, ugly or incapable of completing this goal are not helpful and I know this.

I will monitor it weekly because I think that’s sensible and manageable. By writing this here I am stating that I am committed to meeting this goal and therefore I owe it to myself to work for it by making manageable changes.

-Always Eat Breakfast
-Always Eat a mid-morning snack (high energy)
-Always Eat a smaller lunch (planned, cooked and packed up the night before)
-Always Eat dinner before 8pm (9:30 if I’m eating with Ben)
-Always have healthy alternatives to snack on in the house so that I don’t reach for the biscuit tin
-Drink at least 4 glasses of water a day
-Exercise twice a week in manageable chunks
-Reward my body with lotions, potions and bubbles at the end of a long and tiring week! 9 months ago

I’ve been feeling really miserable the last couple of days… so much so that I can’t sleep and I can’t be bothered to get up in the mornings. I can’t work out why but it’s like I’ve dug a hole for myself to make myself more miserable. I feel ‘BLEH’. I’m on holidays and the only things I can think to do are work-related.

I got up at 10. Turned off the alarm and sent Ben off home so he could do whatever faffing about he does at home. I then did washing/laundry. Went back to bed. Got up and had a pack of sticks (crisp like substances with only 50-80 calories per serving or something) which I shoved into my face as if I was punishing myself… again I have no idea why. I then went back to sleep again. I got up and kicked some things around the house to make it look tidier, cut up some decorations for our Little Piece of Mexico party and then went back to bed at lunchtime. Skipped lunch. Got up at 3 and had a bowl of honey-nut flakes and a cup of black tea which I spat out everywhere because it tasted so bitter.

Got bored of tidying. Ate a mini pack of Maoams. Got bored of that and ate some hard boiled mini sweets.

Went out for dinner at my grandparents. Had sweet and sour chicken and rice. Several cups of tea. A mini pack of Maoams.

Drove home 10 minutes before Ben was due to come in. Didn’t have time to pretend that I’d thought of him so I piled him in the car and took him off for a picnic. I ate a chicken and bacon slice and a glass of banana milkshake.

I feel fat and miserable. I feel tired. I feel like my life is empty. Which is so stupid because it’s NOT but I can’t shake the feeling. 9 months ago

It’s 2:56am and I am still working. I know I shouldn’t be. I am knackered but I’m on a roll. I worked for 6 hours today already. But I went out briefly to get a cup of tea with Ben at about 7pm. Outside is like a mine-field. I avoided the cream tea, hot chocolate and other rich delights with poise and dexterity. I congratulated myself as Ben, already having forgotten his pledge slurped his thick whippy cream off the top of his syrupy drink.

I’ve been stumped on a scheme of work for Romeo and Juliet that’s ‘fresh and innovative’ to be more ‘child centred’ and jump through the fire-riddled ofsted hoops and a conversation that I had in my head just suddenly made me go ‘PING’. So I’m looking at pictures of war and creating discussions about whether girls and boys view sex differently when I just suddenly have a craving for an iced bun. Instead of saying “NO! HAVE FRUIT INSTEAD!” I stumble mindlessly to the shops, get an iced bun and come home to plough on with my scheme of work. I’m still only 2 weeks in and I think that’s where I’ll leave the scheme of work.

I’m so fickle and weak-willed. However, I am not giving up. I’ve been good today again and not snacked or scoffed horrible treats (iced-bun aside). And it’s not about completely denying myself but weaning myself off slowly so I can make more positive choices.

What have I learned? Not to work so late because with tiredness I become grouchy and less able to control my food-craving-monster in my head. 9 months ago

I started doing this in a less conscious way about a week ago but I am glad that I am taking it seriously now. As I’m going out tonight I’m going to do a mid-way through the day post now.

Breakfast: Mixed Trail Bar

Lunch: Two pieces of toast filled with cucumber and a slice of chicken, no butter.

Exercise: 15 minutes of weights. Got bored and then went back to writing my lessons for next half term. 21 templates down on that front so my fingers have had plenty of keyboard exercise.

Sleep: 7 hours

Feeling: Sleepy

Weight lost: 4lbs (according to my scales since last Saturday) 9 months ago

Breakfast: Cheerios and skimmed milk

Lunch: Mixed Trail Bar

Dinner: Roast Chicken and vegetables. Boiled potatoes. Yorkshire Pudding. (Yummmm!)

Exercise- None yet. I’ve spent all day doing lesson plans and watching Team GB triumph in various Olympic events.

Sleep: 8 hours.

Feeling: Knackered. 9 months ago

As with most things- a life change cannot happen over night. It can’t happen because the systems you have in place for eating, living and sleeping have been ingrained into you. I realised that it takes planning to break the cycle.

Yesterday I was just chatting to Ben. We were having a serious chat which we almost never do without the TV or a friend interrupting us. I told him how much weight I’d gained (amongst other things) and how I feel like my lifestyle is out of control. I said I feel ugly, fat and careless about the way I look. I said that I needed to do something about it but that I needed his support because our patterns are hard to break if it’s just me fighting against them. He agreed with me that we’ve become lazy and food has become fast and easy. We’ve made a pact to do this goal together. He also spotted that we don’t often talk anymore so we’ve set aside some time this evening to just sit and talk again.

We made soft-boiled egg and soldiers and then made a fruit salad without any sugar or juice in it. I really enjoyed the meal. It was quick and easy because we were in a rush. We then decided to scrap our evening and went to sleep early. I have to admit that I needed the extra Zzzs but I just didn’t realise it!

Today I’ve kept to my side of the bargain

Breakfast: Cheerios
Lunch: Jacket Potato, tuna, sprinkling of cheese and (ugh!) dark green salad (I hate dark green salad). 1x cup of tea. 1 x Glass of water.
Dinner: Haven’t thought this through yet.

I went for a brisk 10 minute walk/march, then did some shopping. I bought mini boxes of raisins and some granola and fruit bars. I’ve topped up the fruit and next I’m going to make a chart to decide on meals on in advance so we can pick things up from the shop prior to needing them, giving us no excuse not to do it.

I am really serious about this this time! I need more energy. I need to lose weight. I need to feel healthy and happy. I am doing this! 9 months ago

Today I feel spurred on by jealousy. I saw my mother today and she’s lost half a stone. I didn’t think a stone would make much of a difference to me so I guess I’ve just carried on as I am for such a long time. It’s fallen off in the right places for her and she looks stunning. She’s done that without exercise. I realised that if she can do it (without meaning offence she has the least willpower in the world) then so can I. She told me how good she felt and how good she looks. She actually does and fair play to her. She has a flat stomach. We’re not much different in size but because of my scars on my hips I carry my weight a little differently and my shoulders are broader.

It’s time I get started to look good for me. 9 months ago

Went out for a walk with a friend yesterday. She’s a heavy smoker and as I was walking I could hear her breathing heavily like she wasn’t getting enough oxygen. She’s been smoking since the age of 14. I’m glad that I don’t smoke because I think it’s a repulsive habit and it gives me one thing that I am healthy in. I tell her so every time she lights up that it’s BAD. Having said this she’s about half the size of me; cigarettes are her food!

Anyway, I did some actual exercise yesterday. I did, however, ruin it by having an ice-cream on that walk so I may have spoiled the intentions behind said walk. Never-mind! 10 months ago

Well, yesterday wasn’t healthy at all. Nor was Friday. I suspect today will not be healthy either.

Ben’s been having a particularly tough time lately. His father had a heart attack about a week ago and I think it’s bought home the idea of the age of his parents and the thought that one day he’ll have to do things without them. Among this, and a few other more horrific events which I can’t discuss, he’s sinking into a rut of depression this week. I’ve done all I can to pep him up and at times I’ve been successful but anyway. Friday night we both came in exhausted and so Ben asked if we could have his favourite Chinese take-away. I ordered it and he looked happy so I was glad. It was worth the calories to see him crack a smile as he tipped out the containers.

Yesterday we had a BBQ for a birthday party with Ben’s family. That wasn’t healthy. I sat and snacked all day like a cow in an over-grown field of ummm junk. Today I have my niece’s 4th birthday party to attend which I’m sure will not have any salad or healthy options on the menu and so I think I’ll have to re-start tomorrow. Or maybe compensate somewhere. Having said this, I made a bad start today by having Frosties for breakfast- haha! 10 months ago

I have stuck to one thing today… I’ve had salad, fruit and whole-grain cereal. However, I have also eaten a LOT of excess everything including a Coronation Chicken Sarnie which wasn’t very low in calories and a packet of Iced Gems. Oh well! I’m not going to start beating myself up over it. Tomorrow is a new day! 11 months ago

So… today I went to school and I was very good (good for me anyway).

Breakfast: Shredded Wheat and a cup of tea.
Snack: Banana
Lunch: Chicken and Cucumber sarnie with a packet of French Fries.
Snack: Apple
Dinner:Pasta Salad 11 months ago

I also know that I have so many things in my life that need changing that at times I am overwhelmed by everything I need to do.

A stone is reachable but still really big. I met this goal about 4-5 years ago and since then have put 2 stone back on again. Realistically the way I did it last time was not sustainable. I figure that actually, although I want to lose weight, I should be thinking about smaller measurements and be focusing more on the healthy lifestyle part.

Resultantly, that’s what I need to do. I need to start making my big goals more manageable or this goal will move further and further from my grasp. It’s time to start being selfish and taking positive steps to help myself. 13 months ago

The exercise keeps escaping me and I definitely am not chasing after it very hard. In fact I’ve spent a whole day today just sat at my desk, marking books and staring at a computer screen. My lethargy annoys me but I’m not sure how to recapture my enthusiasm for this goal. Weight and healthy stuff are always going to be a chore. Since I re-created my living space into this haven of cream and white and I removed my exercise mirror wall, bars and weights… I’ve stopped even lifting weights. I will soon begin to look like the Pillsbury dough boy after he’s gained a few chins. Eugh!!!

I have now got a belly that I can pinch more than an inch of chub on. While I am chubby though, I’m not huge. I don’t look as awful as I imagine I do when I close my eyes. What I am more concerned about now is the fat that’s clinging to my major organs. I reckon if you scanned my body and my organs were able to talk it’d be like a clan of sinewy things screeching ‘HELP US! We’re being suffocated in here. We’re having to do more work than we should!’ I am aware that I need to stop myself from going any further. I am aware that I need to get back on the horse and find some time in my life to exercise. I just don’t know where to begin.

School takes over. It’ll be easier in the summer… but by then it’s already been a good 3 more months of noshing on utter junk and not giving my heart a work-out. I want to stop this unhealthy cycle again. I NEED to do so before it’s too late and I am pushing up daisies. 14 months ago

At the moment I am not succeeding at this goal. I was being a tad healthier having salads and rice for lunch and balancing my carbs with vegetables etc but it all went so very wrong.

This week it’s all gone downhill and my healthy lifestyle disappeared. I told myself today would be different. I set my alarm for 9 but I was so tired I left it bleeping for 2 hours on and off as I repeatedly hit snooze. I am exhausted from 12-16 hour days and it’s my own fault. Food wise I’ve been good until it got to 5pm at school everyday and I was doing mentoring. I got the kids some chocolates to keep them going and then I ate what was spare. Today alone I’ve had 2 rolls, a sarnie, 2 slices of toast and half a bag of toffees. I’ve had nothing to drink and nothing to balance out the carbs- in fact I’ve eaten a bucket load of bread today. I’ve not moved from my computer desk. oh no- I lie. I had to drive to school to pick up some papers that I forgot and I ran acrosss the carpark and nearly collapsed at the foot of a very dishy Saturday Footie coach that I virtually ran into as I pelted full speed up to my classroom locker. Sooo unfit! BLEH. I really have to change my way of living because it’s not right and it’s not enough! I’ve wasted all day planning stuff and had nothing particularly cheerful to say about anything. MOVE ON AND UP MISS! 16 months ago

Yesterday I was lying in bed, watching ‘Bend It Like Beckham’ with Ben. I had my shirt rolled up around my belly because we’d just eaten a mountain-load of Cottage Pie which I cooked from scratch. I looked at my belly and I thought ‘Meh… I’m getting chubbier!’ As if we shared the same thought Ben stuck out a finger and poked my stomach and said ‘What’s that? Wobble.’ He laughed and tickled me but actually the humour of it wore off very quickly for me and I started to cry. I’m developing a double chin. I’ve never had a double chin before but I’m not finding time to exercise or eat properly. Yesterday I had an afternoon spare so I cooked a proper meal with meat and veg. It felt good to be doing something positive. Still, the after result of eating a proper meal made me inflate like a balloon… and so I felt fatter than ever. I really need to take action on this. There’s only me that can make the choice between fitness and fatness at the end of the day.

Game on! 16 months ago

I don’t seem to be getting any thinner. Mores to the point, I’m getting fatter and fatter. I’m also getting more and more unhealthy. I feel tired, sick and like I’m falling apart. This may be a slight exaggeration, however I am feeling like I’m ugly and worthless to boot and so I’m wallowing in my own self pity.

I have a double chin that is slowly developing. I wish I could get a healthy balance with food. Some mornings I think that the answer might be to cut down on what I eat to the point of ridiculous so the weight falls off me again. But I know that’s not the answer. I know the answer is to have a healthy attitude to eating and to do sensible amounts of exercise. Further to this it’s about getting a decent number of hours sleep in a pattern that means I wake up feeling refreshed and that allows my metabolic rate to be ‘normal’.

If I could sum this goal up I would say ‘I’m punishing myself with food and making myself miserable!’ 20 months ago

Well- weight has been one of those issues that I struggle with for some time now. It yo yos because I don’t have a healthy or stable lifestyle or a healthy attitude towards food.

I’m by no means massive but I’m not small either. I’m overweight by about 2 stone now (possibly even more as time goes on). I was at my ideal before I met Heath. I was a crazy blonde girl who danced on the bar at my local pub and ran around flirting and laughing. People said I was attractive because I was the life and soul.

The last time I was ideal-underweight was when I split up with Heath. I stopped eating and I became ill but everyone said ‘You look great’. That annoyed me because I knew that what I was doing was unhealthy but the praise made me continue. I lived off of 1 slice of toast a day and about 4 chips or an apple. I felt sick in the mornings and in the evenings I couldn’t sleep. But it was made worth it when Heath turned up and began talking about a reunion which I knew he didn’t really mean but it made me feel good. So I continued to not eat and be sick and shake. The odd thing is that my skin became even clearer than it is already though you’d think the opposite. My confidence boomed and I got out there and enjoyed life again. I went on holiday with friends and had a blast. I had parties and I grabbed life by the horns. I felt awful but all I remember is the fun I had being thin with big boobs playing the blondes just wanna have fun card. I could get away without paying for any drinks in the evenings and there was always the offer of a lift or a place to stay. All things that I never accepted! A fact of which I am quite proud. I sound awful in this post but I want to write it.

I had by that time already met Ben. Ben was the complete opposite to what I’d usually go for. He wasn’t a ‘pretty boy’ like Heath. My sister wouldn’t call Ben ‘fit’ (but my sister is a Barbie and more of Heath’s realm than mine). He didn’t spend hours in the bathroom and he didn’t smell like an aftershave factory. He smelled manly and he held open doors. I didn’t immediately go back to eating properly. Gradually… over time I settled down again and Ben told me I was ‘gorgeous’, ‘beautiful’ and even ‘stunning’. The more I relaxed the more I ate. The more I forgot Heath the more I fell in love with Ben and the more I did that the more comfortable I became. With comfort came complacency. I stopped wearing make-up. I stopped doing my hair. I wanted to spend more time with Ben as we gradually sunk into the ‘once a week take-away’ and junk food most of the week. I never dared to do that with Heath. In fact I never dared to not have make-up on when he came home for fear that I was not pretty enough. Ben on the other hand makes me feel comfortable. But comfort is not a good thing all the time. So anyway, this is where I am at now.

I’m dreaming of losing the weight and being ideal again. I’m trying to have the will power to succeed at this goal but boredom, time constraints and complacency all get in the way. I want to crack this one. I want to crack the healthy goal. I want to do it properly. I need to encourage myself in positive and healthy ways. I’ll formulate a plan over the course of today and then come back to this to formalise my plan. I want to get out of the couch, bedroom, tv zone and into the active realm of LIVING! 21 months ago

Ok

Yesterday I stripped down the nook. It was quite pleasant. I didn’t even have to get the ladder to do the top of the wall because Ben turned up and volunteered to take over :-). Anyway, that was my exercise. We then went on a half hour walk. We meandered through the streets last night and it was quite peaceful. A far cry from the London streets right now. I am so glad that we didn’t book our nice and peaceful break. It may be north and south at the moment but I don’t really fancy being that close. Seriously Mayhem!

Anyway- diet. No biscuits or crips or junk. I did have a couple of oat and raisin cookies in the evening.

Breakfast: Cheerios, skimmed milk, cup of tea.
Lunch: Sausage roll and slice of pizza (I know, I know naughty)
Snack: oat cookie
Dinner: Chicken and mushroom risotto.
Snack: oat and raisin cookie YUM! 21 months ago

Sunday
Breakfast: Cheerios with skimmed milk and cup of tea with skimmed milk and one sugar
Lunch: Ham sandwich on white bread, mini sausage roll and a yoghurt
Dinner: Salad with cold potatoes and 1/2 slice of pizza.

Exercise: Decorating 21 months ago

I made a healthy salad to start. Then I made some nibbles for my ‘guests’ (my parents and siblings and Ben). Following this I cooked some shop-made burgers on the BBQ for anyone that wanted them. They were so full of fat I opted to only eat 1/2 of one- although if I had been being good I’d have opted not to eat any at all.

I did 10 minutes on the exercise bike in the morning and burnt up 50 calories (a mouthful of burger I’m sure :[...) Then I did another ten minutes in the evening but I put it at a steeper gradient so that I burnt 70 calories. I thought I was going to have a heart attack it was so “difficult”. I really need to get fit and healthy because at the moment I dread to think what state my internal organs are in. Anyway- it was strangely enjoyable. My heart was racing. My pulse was drumming in my head. I broke a sweat. I suppose little and often is the way to go forward with this because in ten minute chunks the exercise didn’t feel like real work. Also it’s something I can afford to do every day/ couple of days when I get in from work without it having too much of an impact on my day to day life. 22 months ago

This morning I weigh 5lb less than I did 3 weeks ago. It hasn’t really impacted upon the way I feel. I still feel fat and uncomfortable in my own skin but I suppose it’s a start. I just have to keep it up.

I also need to find the time to go and do some exercise. Eeek! 22 months ago

Got up at 7. Did ironing for an hour- gave myself arm ache. Walked to work where we’re off timetable doing ‘drama workshops’ which basically means make silly noises and clap a lot, get kids making up dance routines and being the rain or the trees. It’s good fun but that makes the kids go absolutely NUTS. Oh how I love the summer term!

Anyway- totally off subject- so… back to my ‘totally fat’ day.

Healthy stuff:

1. Walked to work 20 mins.
2. Ate a half size portion of fruit and fibre for breakfast (combatting bowel disease).
3. After drama workshop one and production design units in ICT with my class I scoffed a toffee crisp because I forgot to pack a suitable lunch.
4. Broke up a fight between two boys in my class. I want to say it involved effort but if you put a woman between two boys bearing their teeth they tend to recoil at the thought of hitting a female of the species… so it didn’t cause issues or involve any physical exertion.
5. Following this I ate another toffee crisp along with a jacket potato with the skin (fibre mmm). Sort of healthy. Although the two toffee crisps probably cancelled this out.
6. Walked home- 15 mins because it was raining. Whoopee- more exercise.

I really need to up this a notch. 23 months ago

I’m not doing terribly well at this. I have put on 2 stone and I am now overweight (before I was the top end of ‘ideal’ on the ole BMI… so it’s a bit of a sucker). The fried egg and bacon roll that I had for brunch today probably didn’t go a long way to helping this- nor did the half a 8’ pizza that I had for tea last night (though I did balance it out with salad- I laugh at myself). Anyway, after eating junk yesterday and taking a picture of myself for my new stationery stuff for school I noted my fuller cheeks, fatter belly and bigger boobs. I think I disgust myself now more than ever. So yesterday before Ben got in I lifted weights for 20 minutes and did a bit of dancercise to some Lady Gaga… though none of that got my heart racing.

Today I got up fully intending to eat healthily- I went to the fridge and all that was in it was mushrooms, carrots, bacon and eggs. I decided to leave breakfast and do some washing. I did the washing and then my sister came home. She asked if I wanted breakfast with her and she did a fry up of everything left in the fridge and bunged or lunch depending on what I considered it to be- it in a baguette. It was nice but it looked nicer than it actually was- I could have gone without it. In all fairness there was fruit and fibre in the cupboard so I was just being fussy.

Anyway, faced with yet another day on my own where I could clean, read a book or stare into space I got out mum’s Wii Fit. I’ve never used it before but actually it’s quite fun and chunks up exercise into manageable bits. Some of it like ‘deep breathing’ is actually a total waste of time in terms of ‘fitness’ unless you’re already fit. But the jogging exercises get your heart rate up and things like hula hooping are really quite fun to do. I am thinking of getting one for myself with my first proper pay check. Anyway- I did 1 hour of exercise on the Wii. About half of that was what I actually call ‘exercise’ but it was good exercise. I haven’t jogged since I was 14. I realise now how out of shape my body is and how out of shape my inside organs must be as a result. Time to shape up!!!! 23 months ago