turn my life around

I don’t know. My life has fallen apart. I have no job. I couldn’t go to school this semester. I feel like this is the perfect time in my life to do something amazing but I have no motivation. My life is literally a blank canvas right now. And I’m just holding the paintbrush staring at the paints but I don’t know which color to use.

I don’t like the person I am becoming. This shit needs to happen really fast.

I think I want to turn my life around in a lot of ways. I had an epiphany about two weeks when I realized a lot, they are kind of great but also not so great at the same time. I realized that I can’t pursue my dreams the way I have been living and the only way I can achieve what I want in life is by changing major things. I am a quiet person and most of the time I don’t smile unless there is something to smile about. For the most part I look like a rock. I have multiple reasons for being this way but I also think it is preventing me from so much. My barrier has kept everyone out and me from actually interacting with people. And while for the most part I am fine with this I think I have the capability to love people and help people. But my barrier and almost unfriendly personality hasn’t been allowing this. My personality hasn’t been showing and I would like it to show through more because I believe I have more to offer. Another way I want to turn my life around is by changing my surroundings. I am going to Ohio State in the Fall and I think it is going to change my life in so many ways. I am excited the things that come with that.

now that i am back at school. i feel like i am really accomplishing things. i have to stay in this atmosphere. it really pushes me to try my hardest; all the people here are super talented and incredibly determined. i try to always surround myself with those who never give up. it really inspires me.

getting things done.

i’m off to spend the new years with some close friends that i don’t oft see throughout the year; once or twice really. we’re going to go up to michigan, spend some time at their cottage and do some snowboarding.

i don’t usually spend time with friends; i tend to do my own thing, else i’m absorbed into my work. it really helps to surround yourself with great friends, have time to unwind, and the chance to socialize (a quality that needs practice).

this will give me a chance to talk to new people and get more comfortable doing so (something that i am always apprehensive about). i am most definitely not a person that enjoys parties and new years is not exempt, but i will be surrounded by nice people; hopefully it won’t be too awkward, i tend to clam up in these situations.

snowboarding will be a highlight. it is really nice to have a release for all this built up tension.

my life has increasingly gotten away from where i want it to be and now is the time to reevaluate the place i am at now, where i want to be, and how i will accomplish it.

I’ve a new job working at the local nightclub. I’ve a full time job in insurance. I’m also running my own business when i can get the hours in and ive been offered enough overtime to save my home from being repossed. I’ve got an arrangement on the arrears of my mortgage to pay £92.50 a month which has helped immensely with my financial problems this month.

Get the reins on my life, pull in every aspect of my life and get a hold on it. Embrace it but be sensible about it. I want to get a grip on my finances before they take control of me, and pull my life back round to a balanced position again. I feel like i’m doing this quite well now. It’s taken alot of courage and strength of charactor which i’ve been lacking the past few months, but finally i feel like i’m getting back on track. Even if it’s slightly different track to what i initially anticipated.

Well I have tried this in the past but I have fail you could say. Although I am hoping that 43 things will keep me trying. Note: Good luck to you other guys (gals) trying.”Knowledge of sin is the beginning of salvation.” it means that if you know what you have done wrong in the past you can fix it in the future.

I totaly forgot about my list of goals here on 43 things..this one ive really failed at. But, Im going to try again.