Realise I am responsible for the state of my life

Oooh, get me! Going to a fancy schmancy thing at work on Friday. Have decided on Monsoon’s Thea shift dress, Indra goddess ring and vintage chandelier earrings with insanely high black patent leather heels. Don’t normally ever wear black shoes but will be lovely with dress, I think. Feel free to Google the Monsoon website and tell me what you think. Wee bit conservativo for me, but it is work you know.

Need to restrict my time on internet – I can really get absorbed!

Have been volunteering for one day per week at the local school, the kids have been great! Need to prepare for one on one tutoring on Tuesday, have prepared a lesson, hope this is ok, let’s see.

...to get a car! We get it tomorrow, oooh can’t wait to go on lovely drives and will be great to have the freedom this gives us, hurrah!!!

Am currently planning to apply for teaching post grad and in true, coward style am already thinking about all the reasons I will be rejected – not enough experience, too old, blah, blah, blah. Just get on with it. Idiot.

...this is more difficult than it seems because I feel something has ‘happened’ to me, I need to accept that if something happens, then it’s often as a result of an action I did beforehand. Nualabuala has a great goal on gratitude, think will start doing this to realise how many great things are in my life.

I am going to do the ecouch learning module on anxiety as I am missing a few tricks on how to manage this. Need to start doing my exercises on CBT again – how the hell do people not feel anxious all the time?

I’ve really come to realise that many of my life’s circumstances are because of my passivity. I ‘let’ many things happen instead of being decisive and I let fear of not being good enough make many of my decisions for me. The problem is, I now think – is it that I am good and I’m not confident – or am I not so good and just self-aware?

Today my boss offered me the chance of two new projects/jobs! And said all of her department chiefs were fighting over who was to get me!

When I wrote this goal, I was focusing on the bad things – but when I think of the good I assume luck got me there. If I am taking responsibility for the things I’d like to change I need to congratulate myself for the good things I have, which are more than I appreciate.