practice acceptance for the things I can't change, and courage in changing what I can

I did something very kind for myself tonight and decided that I can’t keep associating with a certain someone. While it is tempting to do so because he’s become my only friend outside of myself, my sister, and my cat it is also the worst thing I could continue doing because of the problems we both are facing. He is perpetually depressed, floundering, poisoned by society (and doesn’t believe he’s poisoned), and doesn’t listen to a single bit of advice I give him – and I am, of course, something of a codependent. It’s the perfect situation to completely destroy everything I’ve worked on for the past 8 – 9 months. I can’t do that. I can’t help him. I can’t help him without hurting me. I can’t even really associate with him without hurting me.

I can take care of me. I can work on me. I can find healthier people to share my life with, and I can endure not having much of anyone in the meantime.

I’ve been slipping into control freak mode more often, which is not at all where I want to be. I haven’t been journaling very much lately – I’ll get back to doing that tonight.

My sister, bless her heart, had a blog written about different philosophical things and mentioned that to shave your armpits or legs was completely unnecessary and up to the individual. My brother’s very unpleasant, very ignorant girlfriend commented on it saying that she hoped no one would take my sister’s advice, saying that not shaving was nasty, among other things about France and the United States. Keep in mind this is a girl with a username of “It’S nOrMaL 2 b CrAzY”, with a variation on the capitalization and lack of capitalization of the letters that I can’t reproduce because I don’t care enough and because it’s a pain in the ass to do so (why/how do people type like that!?).

Anyway – this is a person for which I’ve held much disgust for quite a long time, disgust that I also share for my brother. They both have this victim mindset and mindless conformity (among many other problems) that bug the hell out of me. It’s like they are comatose.

But I can’t control them, and it’s not my place to try waking them up. They have to wake up on their own time and of their own effort – or never at all. That’s not at all up to me. What is up to me is taking care of myself, keeping myself mindful, and developing compassion for all people (especially the ones I don’t like).

that I’ve made a lot of progress in accepting my mother’s condition. I just don’t feel the same anger I used to, and that translates into treating her better. Most of the time I don’t try to correct her anymore, and I’m not as snappy as I used to be. Any time I am snappy is usually because there are other things happening in the situation causing me irritation.

The most important thought/belief to keep is that I can’t change her – I can’t influence her thoughts or behaviors – because she’s not in a rational state of mind.

Like life itself, this is a matter of process and constant practice.