~*~ HaVe A PeAcE AnD JoY DaY ~*~

What has traditionally been known as the Strength card represents Nature which, however wild in its primal form, is tamed by our subtler, finer (feminine, interior) self. The will and passion of our instinctive nature does not need to be broken, but refined and brought to consciousness so that all levels of Creation, inner and outer, may come into harmony.

The feminine soul-force contains a persuasive power that can nurture and induce cooperation from others, stilling disruptive energies by harmonizing differences in the spirit of collective good will.

LUCKY NUMBER: 3

I did a private swap with a young lady from Germany {Meike} She wanted some earrings and a bracelet {seen them on flickr} so in return I asked for foliage from Germany.

I just love the flowers she sent me, I cried they were so pretty. This is a page out of my “Mood Journal”.

in a rapid none fixable way. I feel like I am the only one who sees this and the only one who cares.

Such is life.

Man that is a long time. Longer than I been alive. Whew, the same person for 45 years.

I am pretty darn proud of them for keeping things alive and going for so blasted long. My parents have gone through tremendous struggles in their lives. Nothing, nothing was ever easy it seemed.

I am proud of them for keeping us happy, together and safe during our growing up years.

I was over to my dads last night. First let me give you an update on the Cancer treatments.

He is still undergoing Chemo, he had it for a few months and then had a CT chest and the results pleased both his cancer Dr’s. The Chemo actually shrank the mass by 20 cm one direction and 25cm on the other.

so based on how well he is reacting to the Chemo, they decided to go with Radiation as well. They are hoping that this type of cancer will react to the Radiation after all.

He has had his tattoos on his chest, back and under arms. He has undergone his first week of Radiation. There has been no burning so far {that is a good thing}... OH and get this. My dad still has his hair. I know go figure right.

It is a bit thinner and you can tell that he has lost a lot of it, but he still has a lot of hair {thank that Buckley gene} and the style he has combed it in my entire life just looks really good.

My dad is a tough tough man.. There are times that the damn steroids, that come with the Chemo, gets to him and he becomes a bitch worse than any PMSing woman.

However, I told you he is tough. I want to remind eveyone who else is tougher than tough. That would be my mom.
Man alive she has so much to do and deal with concerning this illness. I know that he is the one sick, I get that and I am aware of it more each passing day. BUT and this is a big but, he is not the only one dealing with this sickness. My mom is amazing with all she has to do and then dealing with the bitching horrid dad, I think she should be a saint.

Do we have a Saint Louise? How about a saint Billy? {yeah my moms first name is Billy, LOLOL she was named after her uncle}

Now back to my story. My dad is dealing and responding well to all this Chemo and Radiation, although you can see it’s ravaging his body and taking a tole on him.

Yesterday he wanted us to eat supper with him, he is NOT suppose to be around anyone, no children under 13 at all, no one who is even thinking they are sick. He is so susceptible to sickness with his immune system being so low….

We went over and were talking about his and moms Supper on Saturday for their anniversary, He was giving me his list of things he wants me to make and said something… I can’t remember what it was or what made me laugh at his silly ass… But then he looks at me and Holly {my sister inlaw} and says, “I am the one dying of cancer, I can say stupid shit from time to time”...

that hit me hardcore and even today it hits me hardcore.

I have to apologize to you. I sure have been more active in the past and I am not answering letters in a timely manner. I just want you all to know what is going on.

Aside from the family issues and there are many. I have a sick computer. She is very old and although she has served me faithfully and to this day tries her best.

She just can’t keep up. Sometimes I can post things and sometimes I can talk to people and comment to others. But most of the time, IF I can log on to the site, It takes so very long to load things that I end up so frustrated.

I’m trying to cut the ole girl some slack, but it’s getting to a point now that, no one in the house wants to be on the sucker cause it freezes for long periods of time.

I am not trying to not be a part of 43 or anyones lives. It is just really difficult to be there as much as I would like with the computer so frail…. and then there is my divided time between my parents house and my responsibilities.

Often times I feel pretty lonely. I’ve not been out to meet people in this town because I dislike it so much and refuse to go to bars and clubs and places like that, it’s just not me. So, I really don’t have friends in this town.

I have my old friends from home and my friends from 43… All that communication is mainly done by computer. If anyone wants to write real handwritten letters… I would LOVE to do this with you.

I also have a phone… just don’t think that I am not caring or purposely trying to not take part in this part of my life. It’s circumstances. And right now they suck… Smile, but things will get better, eventually.

I just have to be honest and Keep believing.
Have a peace and joy day.

Namaste
Seren

P and S… I don’t get notifications the way I should either, mainly in the mornings they won’t come through. so if you want to knock me over the head so I can see it, that is perfectly fine with me.. smile.

and when your bed is empty for long long periods of time, it gets tiresome.

Sometimes, you just want some giggles, a little fun, even a “WhhhooooHoooo”.

My bed has been empty for a long time, but NOT last night let me tell you.

I got the giggles, the fun and a big “Whoooo oh shooot, dang and damn, Hoooo”...

I had a little lizard in bed with me. A tiny little baby no bigger than an inch, {not including his tail}. He was so cute {collective “Awwww”}

I kinda chased him around the bed and caught him in my greedy little hands and transported him to the outside, in one of my plants that has big lizards living in it.

Now how cute is that, to have a baby lizard try to give you some excitement.

Regardless how the day ends up, starts or actually is, I want my life to be full of peace and joy.

I know that some say you can’t actively create that in you, they are feelings you have or don’t. I don’t agree with that, I think by an act of your will and desires of your heart, you can create feelings, or change them.

Most of the time.
So I am going to allow peace to flow through me and joy to fill me up, to create my Seren days.