model my life following the example set by my grandparents.

we had a section for “ongoing goals”.

I really like this goal and am particularly pleased when I can see clearly (even with hindsight!) that I have learned and lived by the example set forth by my grandparents.

Most recently, my marriage has been on the rocks. Bad. UGH. I didn’t bail (at least physically). I did bail out emotionally, however, I am working on being emotionally “whole” (does that make sense?) again.

Mom and Pop never bailed. far as I could tell anyways.

My marriage has been beat up run over and nearly eviscerated. WOW. that’s pretty bad off.

I’ve been mad/bitter/hurt/in utter disbelief/disillusioned with the last year and a half. My husband, who had big back surgery (ask me later) last September, has not “improved”.
Well, he improved. His back got better, but HE got sick. He stopped helping me, he stopped caring that I was working 70 hours a week at 3 jobs. He stopped. He just stopped. Oh, he did start drinking like a fish. And the drugs. Prescription….like that matters.

So, the road has been tough. I said, “I’m done”. POOF. I withdrew. WELL NOW…that became problematic for him. I said, tough, I am done. POOF.

Well, we headed down the road to seperation. I moved out of the bedroom, onto the sofa (which by the way, sleeps pretty good)...things just spiraled down, seemingly out of control.

I hated this. I fell in love with this man. He was the absolute center of my world. And he felt the same about me …. and then it was gone. OHMAN! (biggest OHMAN I can muster by the way)

So, we started into counseling. I’ve done this counseling thing before with limited success. I knew the issues. I am unwilling to let go of my bitterness cause nothing will change. He’ll be the same ass he was/is. I KNOW THIS! Why should I resolve my issues just to find the same man? FORGET IT!

I kept going. And going. And going.

My grandmother fussed at my grandfather. She would go for days without speaking to him. She would say, “oh I got so mad at your Pop-Pop, he made me mad as FIRE”. But she wouldn’t have left—there’s family to consider.

Yep, there’s family to consider. 3 kids…all 11 and under. And then there’s the example they set for me. There’s always that to consider.

I am not saying that I am a pushover…anyone who knows me KNOWS I am NOT a pushover….but there are other things to consider.

My dh got a job today. He starts in 10 days…which gives him just enough time to do most of those things that I have on one of my other goals.

I’m going to try this for awhile. Give it some time. Things are better. The kids are feeling better. They are still a bit shaken over this whole mess. But, we’re going to give it a whirl.

Now…where did I put that Honey-do list….........

These people were the most amazing people I have ever met in my entire life. They were devoted to their home, their family, their church, and their community. I loved so very much. They’ve both been dead now nearly 9 years and somedays the pain of the loss is overwhelming.

I want to raise my family with what they gave me..security of family, unending love, strong belief in God, togetherness, no shame, and the best gift of all…the gift of time with them.

Pretty lofty goal. I hope I can live up to it.