Stop putting off my own needs to accomodate others

doesn’t feel very good:( though neither does putting off my own needs. I don’t understand why I can’t get past this.

If I put off my own needs I feel angry that I did, knowing 9 times out of 10 it wasn’t appreciated anyways.
But when I put my foot down and don’t put off my own needs and say no to others, I feel so horrible and guilty that I start to try and justify it by blaming the person I put off:( eg: “they wouldn’t appreciate it anyways” – “They wouldn’t do it for me” – etc etc….
Man I suck at this lol
Don’t know why I can’t just get past saying no and being ok with it rather than having to qualify everything with a reason other than I just don’t have the time or maybe I just don’t want to- Ya know?

Wasted my entire morning talking to a friend .. trying to be a good friend. trying to be supportive… knowing everything I say is going right in one ear and out his other… I know this from the start cause this is a conversation we have had before.. he is self destructive- wants help but won’t take the steps to change… now my morning is gone and my needs unfullfilled and goals not reached because I chose to bang my head against a brick wall.. again.

Friends were supposed to come out Friday night. Now this has been planned for…4 weeks minimum now from what our letters say. On tuesday she changes her mind and says she isn’t coming out friday but her hubby is… So friday morning I wake up early to get things ready for him and his kids to be here.. go to work etc.. around 1 pm I get a call on my cell saying that they won’t be able to make it due to the fact that they have to install a window in their van before they can come out and the guy won’t be able to come till he gets off work late. Ok that is fine.
But the next thing I know my eldest daughter is calling me to tell me that the friend who just called me called her to invite her out to a bachlorette party and go bar hopping for the night. So now I am starting to feel a little pissy…
When I spoke to her at 1 she also said they wanted to come out Sat morning “early” . I said.. what is early? 10 o’clock – gotta get a full day of work in! (they are the ones getting handfasted here and I told them months ago that they needed to come prepare things, cut firewood etc to get the farm ready for their guests that I wasn’t doing it last min like last year)I suggest noon or so cause that gives me more time to get ready in the morn and do some of the stuff I need to do- she says 10 is better.
anyways.. 10 comes and goes – so I call both phones – no answer. By 12:30 i get a message on my cell saying the guy still hasn’t shown up to do the window and that they are gonna be late.
Meanwhile I am getting more pissy.. why? cause I woke up early again to make everyone supper and get things ready for a housefull of bodies. I cut my g/f off on the phone early that morn even though she was having a crisis cause I didn’t want people to show up without me being as ready as I could for them.
As some of you know I have a mild case of OCD – somethings just have to be just so for me not to feel stressed. The house can even be a mess but there are just some rituals and routines I need to do to feel good about people coming out. My mom is an amazing hostess- she always made/makes people in her home feel welcome and ya feel spoiled when you go to her home, part of me wants to be like that too or maybe just from watching her it is how I think people should treat guests in their homes.
We all like to drink when they come out so then I have to bark at the kids to clean their roooms so there is somewhere for them to sleep- then there is washing all the bedclothes etc..
To top it all off I put off my possible plans (friends birthday party) to be home all weekend so they could come out and get ready for their handfasting and instead i wind up missig out on any plans and waiting around the better part of the day “in case” they show up.

So I connect with her finally around 4 pm and she claims they are still trying to come out and I tell her ya I am kinda put out and pissed off and ask if they are coming out the next day – she tells me that she has to go to Vancouver so she can’t come and do the stuff here at the farm sunday either – I ask her why she has to go and she tells me “it’s personal”

I dunno, maybe I am blowing things out of proportion, but I am really feeling like I am always there for everyone else and that I plan my life around them. It’s gotta stop. After the handfsting I am going to have to pull back away from some people – I just can’t do this anymore. I just don’t feel like some of these people are my true friends – I don’t spend anytime with them outside of SCA stuff, no one calls or writes unless it is about something they need from us. Calling to invite my daughter to go out on the town.. but not me (not that I would have gone.. but sometimes the invite is nice to have)just kinda thought she and I were friends not her and my 20 year old.
I dunno – I know this is mostly my fault cause I enable people to treat me this way. just so sick of it, and now here we are 10 days away from the handfsting – nothing is ready, and where that may be ok for them, it isn’t for me cause I just need certain things deal with so that I am at ease. I work everyday till then, and some evenings – was hoping to go away for next weekend, now I can’t cause things will have to be done then… why do I do this to myself?

felt like a giant bitch doing it… but I set a boundry yesterday and I am really really proud of myself! I just hope I didn’t come across the way I felt:(

My name is Skye and I am a rescuer….
Yes that is right. I have a need to help people, save them, rescue them from whatever it may be that they need help from. It drives my spouse nuts;) It is a part of me he absolutely loves and hates at the same time. Mainly cause it affects him badly when it affacts me badly:(
I didn’t really realize how much of my own needs I put off till this past weekend. We have some friends who really want to start playing in the SCA. Dare and I have been playing nearly 10 years and know a fair amount about it. We enjoy getting others involved so that they may enjoy some of the experiences we are blessed to.
We set up (again) so that everyone could come out to the farm to work on projects for an upcoming war – I spent all day cleaning/ organizing projects, digging for things that people may or may not need cause they are new at this so they may not have things they haven’t thought of yet.. etc.. I put off going out with another friend and turned down an invitation to go take some classes. I cooked all day making enough supper for 15-20 of us.
1 person showed up.
ONE! no calls no excuses, no appoligies. and ya know what? this isn’t the first time….
So the one that showed up said to me “hhmmm you are always so accomadating, there is always a fresh hot meal, comfortable accomadations, (I clean and make up all the spare beds/rooms in the house in case people need to spend the night)good company and you seem more than happy to drop your own life for the pleasure of others….hhhhhhmmmmmm”
Nuff said – the fact that someone else realized it other than Dare really hit home – guess I thought I was being a bit of a baby about it, now I realize I am not. My time is important.
sigh so no more. I can’t keep doing stuff like this over and over for other people cause I have this need to help.
again.. this is a behavior that is going to take some time changing. But it needs to be changed. Now