ask for what I want

ask right now and always if i really want ….mostly only the really important things need asked for …simply ask….if the recipient loves you they will try as they can to provide/or help///if not seek ,ask,and knock on doors other…....we are taught by well meaning people to not ask…because they were taught not to ask….so just ask…ask god…ask life….see who to ask….
when rejection comes ask others….somebody will say yes….
this is a fact…the careful part is to know what i want…
because by asking i will get it with all of its real consequences…

Asked a colleague about going for lunch
Asked a friend to read something I wrote

Getting into asking mode is difficult for me. For example, at band practice, the guitarist’s amp was facing directly at me and was causing me some discomfort due to its volume, yet I did not feel that I could ask him to change its position to one facing into the center of the whole band, or turn down. Now, I realize that that could have been a perfect way to practice this goal.

This weekend I visited my grandma in the nursing home.

Among other topics of discussion, she compared 2 of my cousins. One who is having a hard time making ends meet right now, who she is trying to help out, wilst being bedridden at the moment. He is resisting her help becuase he doesn’t want to take money from an old woman! But she is so insistent. She wants to hire him to work on her farm and wants other relatives to hire him for odd jobs. She is so full of love and help, even while she’s helpless. All anyone has to do is ask. She is the picture of giving. I hope to be so kind as her one day. We all need to learn to ask when we need help and to offer help whenever we can, even if it is a small thing. $50 to clean my gutters would help my cousin pay his rent. If I didn’t live 100 miles from him I’d make that offer in a heart beat.

Meanwhile, another cousin has cut himself off from communication. Grandma is desperate to see his kids, her great-grand-kids, but he won’t even come visit her. She knows he’s struggling and he’s embarrassed to admit it. All she had to say was that if he keeps this up, who is going to love him and care for him when he gets old? Grandma went on and on about how grateful she is to have so many visitors every day. I need to learn to value friends and family as she does.

I want my grandma to get better.
I want my boyfriend to be here right now. Or at least try to get here. I don’t think I can ask him to come back.

I did ask that he stay within cell phone range and he said he’d try, but is driving cross country (not toward here) and can’t guarantee. He said he’d drive as far as it took to have cell coverage overnight. That’s something I guess.

I took my bike in for a tune up 11 days ago and they still have it. The shop was seriously booked up and they said it would be a week. I called after a week and they said it would be ready on Saturday. It’s Monday night and I haven’t heard anything.

The passive side of me is saying that it’s wayyyyy too hot to ride anyway, so let them take their time, they must be really busy, if I call and get them to put priority on my bike then whoever is in front of me in line is getting pushed farther back….

But I’m not going to let the passive side of me win. I will call and yes, I’ll probably accept any excuse they give and wait some more, but at least they will know that people demand to know. And what if they misplaced my paperwork and simply can’t get a hold of me? I should call.

I will call them just before lunchtime tomorrow, then if it is ready, I can go and pick it up on my lunch break.

Tonight I wrote a love letter.
I was surprised by how difficult that was. Confessing how I feel (actually only the positive parts, I didn’t even confess my fears) felt like asking for what I want. Terrifying. It shouldn’t be so terrifying, the fact that it is, means everything is not yet ok. I want it to be ok.

I am not going to get what I want, no matter how much i want it.

This would be unusual for me, as I veer towards self-reliance… and because many people in my life give me everything I might want without my having to ask. I virtually never ask for anything directly.

I invited myself and my cat over to spend the week at boyfriend’s house.