figure out what's wrong with me

I can’t be close with anyone or more importantly, my boyfriend.

i keep making up excuses to come home from school and i’m not sure why, i don’t actually want to go home, my feet just take me, i’m not sure how many times i’ve done it now, but i’ve really upset my mum today and i really dont want to anymore.
also i feel like jekyll and hyde because i’ll do things that are really bad or say really horrible things and i have a big attitude according to my mum. whether thats just hormones i don’t know but it’s really unfair because my sister gets away with things my mum would kill me for.

I don’t know what this is for really. I’ve just been having a hard time lately.

accurate to “diagnose” yourself, but more and more I suspect I have an avoidant personality. I want to connect with people, but I simply cannot. Lately I feel like I have no personality, or no aspect of it worth showing to people. I feel like this black hole of miserableness. I’m convinced I come off as odd and people think I am weird and sad and they pity me, and it’s painful to realize.

i am 22 years old i work 4 night shifts a week and i am always feeling tired no matter how much sleep i have i have had 10 hours sleep last night and i could just go back to bed now and sleep all day

I have a really uncomforatable stomach ache right under my ribs and i feel sick all the time! I cant eat and im really tired all the time HELP! P.S taken 2 preg tests both bk negative

Whats wrong with me? Well, Ive been trying to figure that out for a while…

There are a number of things that are wrong with me. Things that I can name, anyways.

Like… why is it that I know what I have to do, and yet I cant get myself to do them?

Why is it that I feel that no one can relate to me? As if I’m barely part of the same species?

Why is it that I keep on making stupid decisions, empty promises, and unwise choises?

Why do I always feel like I’m so stupid… when I know for a fact that I am not?

Why do I feel as if Im sometimes watching myself live from someone else’s eyes? Or that I feel like some statue?

Why does time seem to be going so fast, and yet, so excruciatingly slow at the same time?

Why cant my fire stay aflame for long periods of time? Why does it always burn out so quickly?

Why do I always feel so tired? So restless? I’m not depressed… but Im not all happy, either.

Why do I sometimes feel so insignificant to the world?

Why am I always smiling, even when I dont feel like it?

Why do I laugh at funerals? Why do I hate attention, and yet, desire it?

Why do I feel as if Im living life in a bubble?

Why dont I think I can ever fall in love?

Why cant I trust people? Why do I not want to trust people?

Why can I never learn from my mistakes? And if I do, why dont I ever fix them? Or keep myself from doing the same thing again?

Just… why?

i feel terrible most of the time. i’m sure you’ve all noticed my absence here lately. i just don’t typically feel up to “putzing” on the internet. i have two procedures scheduled for Monday to give me a better idea of what is going on.

I hide so much from the world and sometimes there are so many things I want to say in a blog but can’t because I have readers who know me and will say things to me.

I am so lonely. I don’t know why. I have lots of casual acquaintances but I just don’t feel like I have any friends here. I sit and obsess, trying to figure out what kind of personality flaws I must have that keep driving people away from me. I just don’t see it.

All I do is study and I don’t even like what I am doing. Truth is, I don’t really want to do anything… at all. Or I guess anything that resembles work.

I just feel like am at a low point and I need to turn it back around because I hate feeling like this.

No one understands me.
No one wants me.

I just know I am going to end up becoming the antithesis of what I want to be. I am going to get the antithesis of what I desire in life.

You don’t have to respond to this… I just needed to get this out of my system and down in words because I can’t let it keep floating around in my head anymore.

I had been feeling somewhat better. I worked Monday and Tuesday with slight discomfort and only some tiredness. So I ate whatever I wanted yesterday and was up all night with intense stomach pain and some vomiting. Now I’m back to sick days and Vicadin. Arrrrrgh.