let go of stress

Sometimes life can get quite stressful. Some people tend to internalize it and this can be harmful to your overall well being. It’s good to find ways to deal with stress.

Hey, woah, I am stressed again. Can you believe it? Perfectly on track with freaking out a bit every three weeks. Weird. This time, I am just stressed about projects and job prospects. I am looking forward to hearing from a firm tomorrow and really hoping I can be their designer. The owners were so nice, and I think it would be alot of fun to work for them. I have been more than impatient lately with everyone I correspond with and two days seems like two weeks. So, it really pretty much killed me that I didn’t hear back from this firm last week. I am hoping to hear from them in the morning and will call in the afternoon if I don’t. I have a problem not feeling like a crazy stalker when practicing good follow-up. I shouldn’t. I just do because not many people seem to be persistent these days. What’s up with that? I am so tired I am delirious. I think going out with a friend would be a good thing tonight but I should really rest up since I am getting over a cold. I will rest up and be all fresh and super good at creating soft-palette international markets and parks and children. Yes I will. I have to also say that I have recently taken up knitting again. I took a year off last winter and am getting back into it for some reason. I can’t help but ask why why why am I knitting? It’s such a luxurious waste of time and I think it also just makes me think too much and too hard about things. Even if it’s something simple like, “Why am I not Swiffering with my free time? Why am I knitting? Is this really ‘free’ time anyways? I should be working. I don’t want to right now. I should be. I don’t need to be, but I should run my errands, go to the store, go out on a date, ANYTHING!! Anything but this!” Do you see? This is nuts. It’s making me crazy because I can’t validate it as something important at all. I will finish this project and be done I guess. Maybe I will take it back up in the thick of winter, when it’s too cold or too snowy to go outside. Even then, designing/working is a better way to spend my time. Hmmm.

I am seeing today that I write about being stressed out every three weeks. I wonder what that’s all about. I think this must be the time of the month I worry about having enough money for bills and such. At least while I have a healthy cat while I write about my stress this time. I have to go draw some more little children for a project I’m working on. They can’t be scary and they can’t look like adults, which is what I’m having beef with. I have a meeting tonight and will go out with a lady friend afterward. I think we will both benefit from a little wine and conversation.

I really want to deepen my experience of meditation so that I won’t stress out when things get difficult. Stressing out stresses other people out too. So I think it’s really important to stay peaceful.

I just got through a really hectic couple of weeks without letting the stress get to me. But NOW, I am really freaking out. It’s 1:00am and I am here, not working, not sleeping, not out partying. I am sitting with my cat who is sick for the third day in a row. I took him to the vet on Monday and ended up just going home and crying and trying to still get things done. I moved my work into the living room so I could sit with him on the couch and I am still out here, feeling a bit like a permanent fixture or a potato of some sort. The thing about a lot of doctors and vets is that they have to impart such scare tactics into their practices. The vet told me he could have the flu OR stomach cancer! My God, what kind of thing is that to say. He told me if he didn’t feel better by Wednesday, to bring him back in so I am just counting down the hours ‘til I can call for an appointment. In my life, I have never been as torn up as the times my cats get sick. It’s horrible. It sound ridiculous, I know, but it’s true. One time I had to break off a very deep friendship and that was horrible and one time my husband went away to Ireland for six months which was also horrible, but I don’t know if they quite compare to the sick kitty business.

I am nervous about taking him to the vet tomorrow. I hate doctor visits more than most bad things or people. My husband told me to practice yoga beforehand which sounds healthy and reasonable; hopefully I can bring myself out of this nervous funk and hold some poses. I am gonna ask the vet to test everything and get to the bottom of this right away instead of using their conservative approach. There’s just no point in sitting around feeling assy when you could be on the road to recovery already.

I am feeling stressed today and project that this pressure will last for at least two weeks. End of the month is always stressful with rent and bills. I have a project due a week from Thursday, am waiting to hear back from another client, and will need to find another great paying job immediately after these jobs are done. I will hopefully be creative and critical enough to make some great stationery pitches while tracking down my next job. BUT, what I really need to do is remember to not let the stress of all of this take over and make me sick. This is the first time I have really felt the crunch to get my next job going fast since I have started working for myself. Wish me luck!

I am sick again. I was just recalling how I was on such a good streak and hadn’t felt sick since January. I thought I would type a reminder to myself on 43things and saw my last entry, stating exactly what I need to tell myself right now. I am feeling sick and I think it is just from exhaustion. I had a project run two weeks late, causing other projects to go on the back burner and was moving all the while. So, that is a lot on my plate and I think I was just stressing out, trying to get everything done with moving before working, and that wasn’t working out to anyone’s advantage. I am gonna sleep it off today and get busy again tonight or tomorrow. I hate having things hang over my head, which is all I can think about when I close my eyes. It’s at these points of never-ending tasks when I can’t decide: should I rest up before getting back at it or should I keep working until everything is done so I can rest with a clear head later? I just think there is never a time when “everything is done” so I should rest in between as much as I can or as much as I need to. I am such a sensitive wizard.

Well, so I have been sick the last few days and finally yesteday I didn’t do any work at all, I just stayed in bed with my cat and was really bored and coughing a lot. But today, I realized that I became sick because I couldn’t let go of some stress in my life over work and moving this spring and friends stuff. So, I am starting to let go of the stress by identifying it and letting others know when they are stressing me out. I am also trying to get stressful work done quickly so it doesn’t linger in my brain. I am going to try to not take on projects from idiots who ultimately stress me out because I can’t believe such stupid people can exist. They are always insulting without realizing it, they are ill-prepared because they don’t realize it, they make it seem like I am at fault for their laziness. I don’t need the stress or the money that idiots will make me. I am a doctor of common sense and these people don’t understand simple problem solving to save their lives. So, that is part of my let go of stress goal, avoiding idiots, and when I can’t avoid idiots, to just run it through my processor like I am a robot rather than a senstive wizard.