get over my trust issues

So..My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years now..he is great and we have def. had our ups and downs but..I have no trust..I am a very jelous person..I need some help..So that is why I am here..

Its been 3 days. Things are getting a bit easier for me. My boyfriend amazed me tonight. He was outside helping his brother and I was on the couch with my laptop and I could hear him getting a few messages on his computer across the room.. then a bunch of damn nudges. and by this time I was getting annoyed so I got up to see who was trying to talk to him. It was one of the girls I dont really like.. so I sat down. and (being sneaky BAD MANDA!) i started taking to her… being him. and shes like oh were drinking, you should come out with is… blah blah and then she started on the whole, I get horny when I am drunk and once you get me started I don’t stop and then she was like.. We should go drinking sometime… So I carried it on. and was like don’t forget I’m engaged.. and blah blah… she didn’t seem to care much. So I was like maybe we shouldn’t be taking right now since you say Bad things when your drinking, I don’t want to be getting into trouble.. then she went off line. So I kept the whole convo up. and I showed my bf when he came in. To my surprise he afterwards blocked and deleted her off MSN and everything. Trust is up… a bit now :)

I have been engaged now for 6 months. I still can not trust him. I find myself crazy obsessive about finding something he is hiding. I hate it. I hate me when I am like this. He has giving many reasons in the past not to trust him, but I want to believe he has changed. He tells me everyday how much he loves me, and tells me I am beautiful. I want to be able to trust him. I do not want to be always worried. Hopefully I can over come this

My mom told me she saw him walking away from /her/ house today… He was supposed to be at the doctors… I don’t know what to think… He said he was looking for jobs… what jobs? That street is full of houses… I should trust him, shouldn’t I? But I’m not stupid… I trust my intuition… and it’s saying something’s not right… and my heart is pounding so hard right now… and it hurts so much…

He says I don’t trust him… Has he ever thought of why I don’t? He says I don’t trust him… How can I when he keeps giving me reason not to?

It’s hard for me to trust men after having a record for dating men who eventually lie to me or betray me in some form. I’ve was cheated on when one of my ex decided to sleep with my best friend only a month into the relationship and keep it a secret for five months after that. I’ve was lied to numerous times so that another ex of mine could be with another woman. The others are equally as bad. Except for one. And I wanted to say, “screw it, I want to take another chance with you” but I’m afraid that eventually, he will turn out the same way. Except he has proven to me again and again that he is not like the men in my past, that he is so different from them. I believe him because I have proof. Sometimes he does get on the borderline of doing what the others have done, but he always redeems himself. He says I don’t trust him and before, a small part of me didn’t. The part that was afraid. Now, I do trust him because I have given him another chance. And this is the largest step to getting over my trust issues. Perhaps it’s the only step I need, I’m not sure yet. But with him by my side, I know I’ll be able to figure it out.