stop hiding

I’ve never been incredibly social. I always have friends, I prefer quality over quantity.
Right now I’m living in a foreign country and the smallness of the foreigner community scares me a bit. I go out, but I tend to avoid large social gatherings because I fear the awkwardness of it. You see the same people over and over again. And Everyone knows everything about everyone. I don’t like it, so I find myself hiding instead.
But I need to get over that fear and start getting out more. Avoiding large social gatherings isn’t doing me any good. I have friends, but when they’re busy I feel incredibly isolated… So I am going to try to work on this a bit more.

I want to stop hiding my emotions and allow people to see me for who I really am. It sucks, but I’ve been doing it for so long that even in the most strenuous and emotionally breaking of situations I can still sit there and smile. Even though my heart is being torn up on the inside.

wow i was just looking at the box filled with the goals that you can click on at the bottom of the page, and i found this one. seems like its a goal that i’ve never accepted but that i want to do.
I hide a lot of things, my depression, my learning disabilities, my fears, my faults. I want to appear like the person who’s happy with them-self, no matter who they are, but i’ve always been… not angry, but embarrassed by myself. idk, but maybe if i let some of these things go i’ll be able to fix them…
i doubt it…. but maybe…
And the sun shown through the cloud, and my smile shined so bright…

I hide to avoid things I don’t what to face or so that I don’t have to be involved. I hide what I think others may not like about me. I hide so that I don’t have to confront all the little things that suck in my life. I think hiding is dishonest…it prevents people, even those we love, from seeing us with all our warts and foibles. I’m tried of hiding. What’s the worse that can happen if I let the sunshine in?

I’m still trying to figure this out….

I hide everything that makes me “ugly”. Smoking, anger, violence, fear… everything.