let go of the fear of rejection

Not sure why this goal ended up in the accomplished column.

I have it as a subgoal for other goals to free up space.

eh, i’ll figure it out later.

it’s getting real close to bedtime.

once again, i heard from someone that my mom’s twin sister has been speaking mean-spirited about me.

this has been going on for three years … since my mom had poor recovery from open-heart surgery mid-may 2003 and i took over mom’s affairs.

mom asked me to do it, so i have as best as i can.

i know i can’t change my aunt nor her new opinion of me.

it’s seems so much like my whole life trying to do whatever i could to earn my mother’s constant approval. my mother was very hard on me … even as an adult.

my aunt is having her own difficulties, which may be adding to her meanness. plus, like my mother, she has a vivid imagination that can conjure up all sorts of scenarios.

they don’t add benefit to my ability to help my mother. when i start to ruminate about the negative, and have to remember that my energy needs to be spent in a more positive, constructive way.

i don’t have the energy to think about both.

be positive, act positive, act out of love for my mother. let go of extraneous silliness and chaos. focus on the important and what needs to be done now.

... i have found that if i face the fear head-on, i can push through it and pretty much conquer it.

there are some fears, which will always bubble when looming … public speaking, singing on stage … but there are others, which simply go away.

fear of rejection: it’s a lifelong fear … and i’ve gotten much better through the years … i used to be extremely timid even to speak. no problem now.

giving my opinion was non-existent, unless the person i was talking to held the same views.

it’s not easy being a people-pleaser. 1) ‘cause each person is so different; 2) because it’s exhausting working hard to please someone; 3) no matter how much energy is used to please, there is still the chance of rejection.

these are habits i don’t practice like i did as a young adult. cameleon was my middle name, i bet. i wouldn’t be here if i continued being a cameleon. sheesh.

fear of rejection, today, seems to be associated with what i do … quality of my artwork, my singing, dancing.

maybe the state of our Charlie-Brown garden … yet if i really felt badly about our garden, i guess i’d work in the garden.

since i’ve gained 25-30 pounds in the past few years, that is a sensitive issue.

rejection: it’s so commonplace in society. one would think there wouldn’t be fear - or extreme fear - attached to it.