regularly ask myself "what am I avoiding?"

I’ve been putting off having a very difficult phone conversation with one of my sisters, who has put me in a difficult position – so, as soon as I’ve posted this, I’m going to take a deep and calming breath and pick up the phone

mmm, that might be uncomfortable!

Although I am perfectly capable of being organised and efficient, one thing that majorly affects this is my tendency to avoid or procrastinate with tasks that cause me a degree of anxiety.

I put off or avoid phonecalls, making appointments, filling in forms etc etc and often I have lost money over this or missed out on an opportunity to do something- it’s so nonsensical! This goal is really important to me and I’m giving it a high priority marking. Today I got in some practice by:

*checking my bank accounts and transferring money (which I was avoiding because I’m scared of how broke I am!)

• contacted someone to try and get a refund (which I was avoiding because it was messy and I was afraid they would say no)

• signed up fo a scheme at uni

• read through all my tenancy documents

• sent some letters

• went to the charity shop and dropped off some clothes

It feels good to get it done! I’d love to be able to say at the end of the year “yeah…I see myself as organised and efficient, I never really avoid things or leave them too late”

I need to submit some papers to DES for AHCCCS eligibility. I’ve had a week to do it and tomorrow is the last day to turn the papers in. This is so typical for me. I’ll postpone doing something difficult (or not so difficult) even when it is in my best interest to it.

I read recently, or heard in therapy, that avoidance is a sign of anxiety. I never used to think of myself as someone with anxiety, but now I am seeing it more clearly in many different areas of my life.