get better

Well let me see here. I have been depressed for at least 25 years. I’m only 28. I really don’t know how I have made it as far as I have. My childhood was not good. The only good thing was my High School friends and well everyone there. Know one knew anything about my home life and my dark feelings about myself. In fact everyone told me I was the pretty funny girl that everyone liked. That is why I try to hold on to my friends even if they really don’t know the real me. I know that is wrong. I just had a childhood friend take his life. And he was like me on the outside. But really dark on the inside. I don’t understand why God took him away from his darkness and I have tried a lot of time for God to take me but I am still here. I’m jelous. I want to be done with this pain.
I have tried everything. I started with talking with a doctor and taking meds. It was really hard to find the right ones that worked a lil. But now feeling they are not as well good as before. And I hate changing meds because it makes me really out of it. I have also been in the hospital and a group home to try to help me. I took a class called WRAP…. which at the time helped. But I feel so scared to go back and look at my notes. I’m scared I will lose everything if I tell anyone how I’m feeling. I have a husband that is to good for me. I don’t deserve such a great man in my life. I feel a lot of the time if I would just die he could have a better life. Everyone could. I don’t know what I’m doing here. But all I know is that I really need to talk to my peers on this one. Someone who feels the same or I will end up like my friend who now rest in peace. That is all I want is peace.

1. Back at work
2. No constant pain (just when my body is tired)
3. Off the medication (after 3mos on)
4. Havent cried since Jan 12
5. Able to walk to and from work
6. Able to swim again
7. Completely off brace support
8. Physio reduced to 1 day/week
9. Gone back to dance class
10. GOING ON MY TRIP….hasta la vista

getting better
My depression is certainly leaving me. Its all down to the fact that I am back at work and feeling normal again and the injury is gradually healing. I would say I am 60% there.
For me to consider myself better, I must be back to the way I was before the injury ie all the same activities and lifestyle and not having any pain at all.

I have been so depressed about being ill and so focused on this goal that I have ignored all my others. That is OK for the time being. After 6 long weeks of no imprvement to my condition despite ongoing treatment, we are finally seeing change. Since the weekend I noticed the pain was less intense and not constant and it feels great. There’s still a ways to go but I feel far more encouraged about the improvement. Doc is very pleased too.

is more important to me right now. If I dont believe I can do it, its not going to happen

It’s none of your business because I’m not one to shout and yell about my personal affairs to strangers on the internet…

...But I’m definitely getting there :)

so… i’m getting a blood test soon to see if i’m okay, or if i was properly sick with some thing like glandular for the two months i felt beyond crap.

the end of this is in site i swear.

i want to try and get better at Archery and improve my aim

I am officially deciding to focus on myself now, and not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come no matter what happens to me, now is the only moment in time that I have any effect on. So here’s to being satisfied with the progress I’ve made so far, despite what tomorrow will bring.

I’ll never get better ._____.
I’m so fucked up. I don’t even know what to do anymore.