stop lying

This will be interesting.

The journaling about the motivation behind the lying makes me more aware of it however. And therapy today was good to make me realize how much emotional energy this takes up.

I can’t get into the specifics of the conversation but I actually came right out and told someone the full truth recently.

I’m not sure if its just my reaction to this person in particular or a change in my general non-trusting attitude but it was an odd feeling. I’m inclined to believe it’s him because I still feel disinclined to come anywhere near disclosing my deeply personal thoughts with most other people.

its weird to think its so easy to lie now, i have never really thought about it till recently when i started keeping track of little white lies, its really important to me to be honest and i know as lying gets easier it gets more frequent. plus once you lie its too hard to be honest- ugh well with a bad habit it ends with the decision to stop.

Well… If lying wouldn’t save me ass all the time, this would be a lot easier. Sadly, this is more of a ‘moral’ question, not something I want to do consciously. Sadly…

I’ve been a pretty good liar. But I need to stop. Its against Gods rules and its disrespectful. Help me please. Any suggestions

I’ve lied all my life, and I want to stop. I would lie about friends when in reality I don’t have a best friend. I’ve never had, I’ve always been by myself, I envy those with bubbly and outgoing personalities, I would lie about what I did on the weekend, to make it seem like my life was crazy and exciting. I lie to my parents all the time, even my cell group, I lie to them about my life. In actuality, I’m very shy around new people, I have a hard time trusting, I hurt all the time, I sometimes cry myself to sleep, I wish boys would notice me, I’ve been depressed, I’ve tried suicide (I know now that is not the way to solve a problem), I used to drink, cut myself, I was molested younger by my grandfather and a volunteer at my school, I want so much to be skinnier, I wish I could cry, I wish I could swap lives with some of the girls at my school, I wish to have a boyfriend who wants to be with me, I just want to get away sometimes, I hate that everytime someone asks me how I am just smile and say “I’m Fine”. I want to be able to be confident in my relationship with god, I want to just cry and be held sometimes, I could go on forever. Sometimes I just feel so….I don’t know, I have so many problems, and it’s like I’m alone. I lie, to make myself feel better or to get attention. And I know that’s not right, but it’s a bad habit. I just don’t know what to do, I’ve tried just not talking and just going into my own little world all the time, but when I do that, I shut myself off, It’s going to take time…..

Already failed thrice. I think… I don’t think I want to do this right now. I mean… Seriously. I can write a book about why lying is keeping the last bits of my sanity.

Of living a completely bullsh*t free and fully authentic life. It’s not just verbal interactions anymore—it’s pretty much eliminating every filter that hides or distorts who I am to others.

This requires so much presence and commitment to being aware at every moment.

I’m not a person who is dishonest in general, for example, I would never cheat or backstab someone through a lie.

But small white lies I tell, like exaggerating things I do or adding details to make myself look better, stop me from having more friends and make me have less respect for myself.

For the next two weeks, I will watch what comes out of my mouth more closely so I can regain confidence in myself that what I do is adequate.