Make the most of my time in grad school. Enjoy learning.

It’s not SUPPOSED to be easy.

I’m tired. I can finish. I’ll finish.

realized tonight how very big BIG BIG the sea of knowledge is. How very small ^small_small I am. How old. How far behind. How uncertain.

My professor said to me tonight that he thinks I should think about getting a PhD.

He said, “Have you ever thought about getting a PhD?”

I said, “Well, I have thought about it, but I have never been a very good student. I was not very good as an undergrad or – ever.”

He said, “Oh, phff, that doesn’t matter. I was a late bloomer. I was a machinist before I went for my studies. You shouldn’t think of that. You act like a PhD student – you have insights, and you are one of the only ones who asks good questions. I would be happy to help you think about going for that. If you want to do it there is a way.”

The idea of it is still so … sparkly to me. Sparkly with a sheen around it and the sound of feint music almost discernible. It’s a mirage. I’m almost AFRAID to let myself want it. For what? To set myself up for failure? Again? Let me enjoy the low-hanging fruit. Let me sit and enjoy it.

Still – it thrills me a little. To have the possibility even mentioned.