become closer to God

read some psalms last night :)

already read all of genesis and exodus

tried reading leviticus, but it’s hard cuz it doesn’t keep my attention at all.

can’t wait til church on sunday! still dunno which one i’m visitin but i’m excited anyways!

i’ve drifted away from my faith the past couple years and i really want to get back on track. i’ve fell victim to the persuading lure of weed and alcohol and i’ve finally realized that this lifestyle is not all it’s cracked up to be. i look back on the past and i’ve noticed i was MUCH happier then than i am now. i feel so guilty for how i’ve acted and for making the decisions i’ve made. i’ve turned into a different person and i don’t want to be that person anymore.. i want to be happy like i once was.

so i’m going to start reading the bible every night like i used to, starting tonight :)

and going to church next sunday. not sure which one yet, but i’m going for sure! and i’ve also convinced my currently atheist best friend to go with me.

I’ve drifted away from my Christianity, and I really want to get involved more with my church, read my bible more, get back on track with my devotional, and just let God handle everything. I need to remember that he won’t throw anything at me that I can’t take care of, but I also need to remember that I can’t do it all by myself.

I want to become closer to GOD, because i feel like i can be alot closer to him than what i am now. GOD is the reason why i feel like i can do anything, Because through Christ anything is possible.

this is one of my main goals. i know God is in my heart, but i feel that i don’t know Him as i should. i try everyday to be the best person i can be and please God, but i’m going to try to work harder.

But I assume it can only be through God. I need to become a better person. A kinder person. A person who thinks before she speaks. A person who remembers what is appropriate conversation, and what is not. A person who needs to let go of the “self” attitude, and focus more on others. A person who people can come to- not listen to. Right now, I hate myself. And I hate myself because I am selfish. But I don’t know how else to live. What is the line between being strong or standing up for yourself- and just being selfish? What is the line between being truly hurt- and being selfishly hurt? It doesn’t seem to matter how much I try to change- to be a better person- I still hate who I am. Because I struggle with selfish behavior more than anything. I struggle with who I want to be and who I am. And I hate what I see in the mirror, looking back at me.

that so few people have this on their list.

I have recently started meditating & it has made such a difference to my life.. I am so much calmer, more peaceful & I feel like I am more inept to make guud decisions.. I have also read that when you make the wrong decision (& you can know this is so because you wont be peaceful) God will save the good thing you should have chosen for when you are ready to receive it, all you have to do is speak to Him & show Him you reaLLY get that you have been less of a person, He may or may not give you a direct task to fix it & somehow (not nessacceraly in the way you want) the situation will correct itself.. Love & Peace to everyone. LuLu

To be added when I mark something off: Let go and let God.

So I gave up drinking for lent, and it ended on Sunday. And it was so uneventful. I remember what Easter is like back home, with the children and egg hunts, and amazing lectures, and gorging on chocolate after going SO LONG without it. And this Sunday, the lecture was boring and I didn’t get anything from it. There were no eggs, no baskets, no pink dresses and other light colors, no huge family gathering in celebration, no day of rest (cause I went to work), and I’m amazed at how life changes. Cause it seemed normal. I’m not saying it was a bad day, in fact I was with the two friends I love more than anything… it was just very, very different. And I’m still learning what it’s like to live so far away from “home.”

I will say one thing though, I didn’t gorge myself drinking- and I don’t plan to. I never had a problem, but I’ve realize how unnecessary it can be. So revelations happened, which is what lent is all about.