Practice forgiveness.

So freaking hard…I know in my heart I should forgive. I think it is the forgetting that causes me to stumble.

it’s been really difficult for me, regarding one person especially. this is someone who i don’t regularly see anyway, but since i married into her family there are occasions when our paths will eventually cross.

i’d actually forgiven her in my mind a couple years ago. but when we met up again, she treated me like crap—in front of my kids! she fawned over my kids and husband, though, showering them with hugs and kisses and being super-sweet, playful, etc.

i mean, i’ve heard of in-law horror stories, but i thought it only happened in the movies. it’s like she’s turned everything around where i’m at fault, instead of her. and her kids and husband were a bit stand-offish toward me at first, but they warmed up after a while & it was pretty much back to how it was before (fun, easy-going, etc.)—with them anyway.

i’ve accepted that not everyone will like me & i won’t like everyone i meet either. but does any one have advice for dealing with a situation like this? i want my kids to grow up knowing their cousins, but i don’t want them seeing some woman treat their mom like crap, like it’s ok or something. sorry for venting :-P

I have a new theory about forgiveness. With the issue of mum, I’ve been trying really hard to mend rifts and let hurts go and basically turn us back both around to when we were ahppy together. I now have a new goal, I’ll still try to let those hurts go, but also instead of trying to mend rifts, try to let them go as well. Just say to myself, it’s broken and accept that it cannot be fixed, and let it all go. Mum and I will never be the same again, and I think it’s time to accept that we’re just not coming back together better than ever.

I’m still uneasy talking with mum. I’ve heard through my sister that she hasn’t heard from mum in awhile, which means she’s putting in the effort to be calling me…and this makes me very uneasy. It’s actually part of our pattern, where we’re getting along before she either says something or doesn’t bother to say anything for the next 6 months. I need to tell mum that she needs to finally get organised and get a balance.

Mum and I have been talking to each other in little bits. Every sunday when phone calls are cheaper across the country. Our conversations don’t last for more than maybe 10 to 15 minutes. And all that we talk about is the weather and work, boring general chit chat. But we are making small steps. I even got to talk to my brother and sister, it’s so good to hear their voices on the phone again.

My mum and I have a pattern; We are on good terms before I find out that mum has said or done something that feels like betrayal, we fight and then there is silence. I forgive and return to communicate with her. We are on good terms untill she says or does something, again! Last time (or this time) she neglected to tell me about my grandmother dying despite my grandmother being sick for almost a full year, and despite the fact that we were emailing each other about once a month during this time.

I have to wonder, how many times do I need to forgive her and be hurt again? We are communicating again, but I feel incredibly hurt and the things that she does get worse and worse. Now that mum has lost her own mother to death, she has told me that there are aspects of the relationship she wishes she had made better, and has expressed things to be made better with me.

But as hard as I try, I can’t let demons lie, so to speak.

Forgiveness of the deeds that I perceive as being harmful from myself towards myself; forgiveness of the deeds that I perceive as being harmful from myself towards others; forgiveness of the deeds that I perceive as being harmful from others towards others and others towards myself.

I feel that forgiveness is something vital for my wellbeing..I am one who does not like confrontation, so I have decided to write letters to everyone who I have reacted to with a feeling of abandonment, hurt, pain ect..and then burn those letters. The act of burning the letters will be symbolic for me , seeing them burn and become smoke..showing myself that I have fully let go of all the pain I associate with anyone I write to.

“The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trial.”
- Confucius

“I must forgive so that the desire for revenge does not corrode my being.”