Tackling my outlook list today, surfing inbetween, and that’s why I’ve been on the computer for hours, BUT! Those term paper-writing days might be offer, but I’ll have to get back into the swing of things soon (office tomorrow, et cetera).

I’ll mark this as completed when I’ve made it to mid-October without another “black day”. 3 years ago

Works. 3 years ago

July 15 was the last “black day”, as far as I remember. 3 years ago

Not as stated, but even better. I do start the computer on occasion in order to look something up, write email, transfer money, stuff like that, but then always manage to log off and leave the house. Once I’ve made my mind up to leave the house, I do it. It formely used to be much harder to resist the pull…

However, I did make the mistake last week of thinking I might be able to work at home. BIG mistake. But that’s another problem which needs its own goal. 3 years ago

I’m happy about that. Always either went to work or, more often, to the library. With the exception of Sundays… I’ve come to hate Sundays. I must the only person in the whole world. My library of choice is closed and I regularly fail to go the other one which is further apart, waste the whole day, and my crankiness gets worse by the hour. 3 years ago

I did turn the computer on, a couple of times actually, and still always made it out of the house and to the library. I just did. I continue to stick to the same spot in my library, a relaxed one, no heartache about other people, and that makes it easier to go there in the mornings. Maybe I’m not a completely hopeless case after all. Evenings aren’t good, but everything looks brighter in the mornings. So many hours ahead. 3 years ago

Glad I made the right decision today! Was so pissed off by everything this morning and thought about returning home after the eye doctor, in order to work at home – as if that has EVER worked for me! But gave myself a big push, packed my stuff and went straight to library from doctor’s office.

And I left the electric cable/charging device for my laptop at the library. That means I will HAVE to go back tomorrow morning. Oh, isn’t it silly. But I’m happy as long as I get my butt there, somehow, for then half the battle’s won. 4 years ago

There was something I had to do…I don’t even remember what it was. It’s sick.

The real reason behind it: I haven’t got a CLUE what to do. 4 years ago

...and then I still managed to shut it off and leave for my usual beloved place. Nothing to teach you discipline like the scary (yes, scary) memory of an earlier day spent staring at facebook and accomplishing nothing. 4 years ago

Arrgh, why don’t I LEARN? I talked to my boyfriend last night about how exhausted and short-tempered I feel, and he asked, “is it not possible for you to take a break – something like the working holiday you talked about?” I said I couldn’t. And then, today, I just stayed home. I organized all of my papers, the financial stuff, and chatted with my brother a bit, and in the afternoon I realized that I had once again lost track of time. Completely. 4 years ago

I completely wasted Monday and Tuesday. (Apart from booking a hotel, and seeing the eye doctor.) Thursday, too, actually. Why? The message from B. (“so does this mean you’ll be done with your thesis soon?”), the small fights, the tiredness. No wonder it was the same week I found myself staring at the wall, wondering if I want this life, mine, to go on at all. Took my notebook back to the library on Friday and felt human again.

I don’t know if I should punish myself somehow, or just try to focus on the positive things – that work is possible when I’m at the library, and so forth. 4 years ago

It’s always a HUGE mistake – no matter whether I waste twenty minutes or eight hours. And I keep forgetting that, and mess up, big time.

(Ok, so I did finally figure out where to invest money, but I could have done that at night.)

My laptop moves back into its locker at the library (available again after renovation). As for the one at home – maybe it has to move into the cellar (boo-hoo) for some time? 4 years ago

There were many days in the last years that I wasted COMPLETELY, solely because I turned the computer on before leaving the house, to check my email or look something up or write a letter. From eight minutes to eight hours and then the devastating feeling when my boyfriend came home after a day of hard work and I hadn’t done a thing. Or, at least not the things I was supposed to do. There are few things in my life I’m as ashamed about.

A strict rule helps. 4 years ago