rid my life of all people who drain me.

It just takes some time to make it. It’s hard to cut someone out of your life when they don’t really want to be cut out of it and keep showing up in it. But it still can be done. And I was trying to think of anyone left in my life that drains me and the only people left are at work and that just has to stay at work. So, I can honestly say everyone in my life right now is adding to it in a good way. At least most of the time :).

Closer than before but … farther away at the same time. I think it’s just that when I care about someone, I just care about them. Of course if I see them and see that they look terrible I’m going to worry about them. I think that’s a good thing moreso than a bad thing. And maybe if I can just cut it down to a small amount of worry instead of wondering what I can do- because well, I can’t fix anyone but myself. And unless someone wants to fix themselves it’s not going to happen. So, maybe I can just worry once in a while—when the mess is right in front of my face and hope for this person to fix themselves somehow but, then let it go and worry about things I can do something about… like MY life and MY problems. :). I’m closer than I was. I just have to figure out how to be, well, not quite me… ha. I think I mean, a better version of me.

Okay been days. Getting it out of my system. I mean, it’s hard for me to let go of people whom I’ve invested a lot of time in, because… I just don’t invest time in a lot of people. And it’s like money for me, I don’t like to think it’s been a fruitless investment. But it has, and dwelling on lost friends just means they’re still in my life even if they’re not physically there. So I have to get rid of all of her until I’m not sitting there hoping she’s okay or being mad at her for trying to be cruel. Until she’s jsut someone I used to be friends with but then we somehow drifted apart or something. Because…hell, I don’t even remember. Until I can say that. :). Easier to know what needs to be done than to do it probably, but i’m going to try.

I don’t mean people who occasionally aren’t on my good side, because I’m just not someone who ALWAYS gets along with …well, anyone. And I want people in my life. I mean those people who try as I might always seem to take and take and take from me until I feel like I have nothing to give anyone else… Those people who give nothing back to my life to make it better. I have one person on this list firstly that needs to go. Does nothing but make my life harder. And I love her so I don’t want her out of my life, but I can’t control her bad decisions and I can control mine. So I have to take that step. I just have to do it.