Okay… There was one situation, today, where I’m usually triggered into an episode. I thought about it, and I brushed it off easily. Medications are doing wonders. Too bad it has many ill side effects and I hope to discontinue it soon. It is amazing that I brushed it off easily today. 4 years ago
How I did it: I don't know... I just didn't care about the crazy things my mind threw at me... I don't care about the crazy things anymore... It became a waste of my time... Oh, meds definitely helped :)... When my mind starts acting crazy, I immediately change my thoughts... I can't believe how crazy I used to be... I still get paranoid from time to time, but its intensity is far off from the episodes I used to experience... My God is an awesome God :) Read how I did it… 4 years ago
I just don’t know how to beat this… As things progresses and calms, new suspicions and delusions generate… And as much as I want to believe in things and people, I just can’t… It got to the point to where I made one of my closer friends cry as we discussed my paranoia of her… Seeing her tears helped me to realize that I should disregard my fears and sometimes craziness, but the next day, I’m back to square one.
Then I’m hanging with another friend, and bugging her what her ulterior motive is, and she completely denies my suspicions. I just don’t know anymore… The one thing I’m grateful for, is that it has subsided enough to where I haven’t allowed it to dominate my life. I’ll still be skeptical and question many things, but at least I’m able to recognize that it could be unjustified suspicions, rather than it being concrete that people are out to get me and such. 5 years ago
Now not only do I have paranoia, but I sit there trying to figure what is real and what is not. Wasting too much of my time. I hate it. If I could just trade my brain for one that’s not so messed up, I would do it in a second.
How the hell do I beat this thing? 5 years ago
Don’t know how I’ll do it… but I seem to let this get the very best of me all of the darn time… I do acknowledge that I have paranoia to some extent, just how much, I’ve no idea.
The worst part about it is, I just can’t beat it. Just when I think I have it beat, it returns, just as strong as ever. It’s darn discouraging.
I was off of medication for my so called “paranoia,” then my doctor asked how am I doing with my meds. I told him I stopped taking it because I’m afraid of the long term effects, and there were only a couple more pills left. He said we need to be open about this because it is important, as I stopped it for a while in a previous treatment, and my episodes returned. I thought that just because it happened before, it doesn’t mean it’ll happen again. Well, I kind of left my appointment discouraged, as I thought he was messing with me too. I just believe I can live my life naturally, beat this disease normally, with no external help. I took the prescription and he said, well if you don’t want to take it then you don’t have to. At work last night, my episodes started recurring, so I went to the pharmacy to redeem it. Only this time, I had 3 refills. Prior to these, I had only a 50mg prescription with no refills, and when it returned after a one month or so hiatus, I was prescribed a 100 mg dose with 2 refills.
I really didn’t think I needed that much help. I didn’t see it, still don’t see it. I left the appointment a little disappointed, a litte upset even. I’m even paranoid of my therapist LMAO. Sure beats the hell out of me why – but I honestly am. Well I guess I’m just gonna go with it and accept it. I just hope this disease can eventually be beaten one day.
I just don’t know… None in my family suffers from it, so I doubt its genetics. I wonder if its just my brain with a chemical imbalance,and something that was further exacerbated by my car accident with did lead to Brain Trauma Injury.
I’ll get so confused now, trying to deduce just about how much I allowed to paranoia induce me into making rash and illogical decisions. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t cursed with this, because I did make rather irrational decisions because of paranoia. But because of paranoia, i don’t really know which part is paranoia and which part is real.
That is all for now. 5 years ago