figure out this dating thing

So I went out with this minister last night. Seems like an okay guy, socially liberal, Biblically interpretive, and taller than me. He talks pretty much continuously about how hard it is to be a minister and the hateful things church ladies do. Me, I’m thinking therapy would be a good thing for him.

We enjoy the movie and he suggests dropping by his house for a drink before taking me home. Here’s where my naivete becomes apparent. No sooner do we get inside, than he suddenly tries to grope me. I am very firm about this misbehavior.

He tries to explain himself. Most women are not as accomplished as I am. He knows he couldn’t do this with them, because they would probably fall in love with him or some such thing. But me, I can surely appreciate “playing” with him.

I look him in the eye and ask if he’s suggesting that we be “friends with benefits.”

That is, he says, exactly what he had in mind.

Three minutes later he is driving me home, having been enlightened.

Now, to fully appreciate the oddity of all of this, he is a 62 y/o well-known minister in our area. And in case anyone thinks I might have lead him on…..I’m dressed in cords, a turtleneck, boots, and a heavy coat. I’m certainly not hanging it out for him to grab.

What are men thinking????!!!!

With a guy on Friday to see a movie. I’ve been out with him before, and I don’t think we’re going to fall into mad crazy love, but I’ll see a movie with him.

Surely there must be more than this? I’m not much happy about turning another year older!

I’m being virtually stalked by one potential date, who never can do the simple thing and call me. He sends texts at all hours of the day and night, texts which are spelled so badly I have no idea what he’s trying to say. I have, in the past, responded as best I can, but a few days ago he actually asked how I could possibly be so busy! Obviously, we are NOT made for each other. I wish it were possible to take away one’s phone number!

REALLY confusing. There are multiple problems, which really make me wonder why anyone ever dates at all.

Of course, part of it is the age I am. At 50-ish, a lot of normal men are married, and it’s challenging to avoid the married ones, especially when they pretend to be unmarried.

Second, there is my level of education. Having spent a total of 8 years in post-graduate education, I can’t help being more educated than most of the population on the planet. For me this is no big deal. I don’t CARE whether a guy has been to college or not, as long as he is interesting and well-educated. In fact, since self-education is harder to do, I have a lot of respect for it. But I’m getting awfully tired of jokes about what I do for a living by guys who are intimidated by it. Any way you look at it, those kind of jokes are an effort to diminish my achievement. Silly, really.

Third, I work hard. Some people don’t. I’m not gonna get along well with them. I actually had a guy ask me yesterday what was the deal with my being so busy. Like it was shocking for a single mother to be busy.

Fourth, I have some minimal standards for behavior. I won’t go out with someone who uses the N word, makes jokes about GLBT folks, doesn’t show up on time, can’t make conversation, or drinks like a fish. Not to mention smoking. No smoking allowed.

Finally, there is the issue of sex. I like sex. Really I do. But I’m not into meaningless sex, and the bottom line is that if someone thinks it’s gonna happen on the first date, they just lost the possibility of a second date. Period.

Question: What are YOUR deal-breakers?

with college bf, who is probably the one I should have married. He has been a good, good friend the last couple of years, and I’m wanting to see him again.

So I went out tonight. I had dinner for 2 hours with this nice guy, but lacking any obvious response when he asked if I’m like to do seomthing else, I decided to call it a night. It’s been a long day, and it felt like a lot of work to be “on” for 2 hours during dinner.

Hmmmmm. I don’t think this is how it’s supposed to feel.

He’s likeable enough—liberal, thank God. But I’m not used to this game and it feels wierd to me.

OK, Self, slow down a minute here. You’ve been divorced for a while, and you’re not used to putting out energy on Friday nights, and he probably wouldn’t have been the one to put out energy with, especially since it seemed like work. Let yourself just explore and quit with the judging yourself thing.

OK/.