be told im beautiful

Alicia told me quite a while ago that since I started losing weight my face has changed a lot. It’s only now that I’ve started to notice it, and I’ve got to say: not bad.

Not bad at all.

Not by my parents or any relatives for that matter…hair dressers family friends doctors ect don’t count…neither do friends…but by a guy that genuinely means it and not in a creepy way… and he has to look into my eyes.I doubt this will ever happen haha.
One time I was running down the stairs to the subway and this guy was on an ecelator beside me going up and he stopped and stared at my face and was like “you’re really pretty” haha thats so sad thats the closest i’ve ever come to that…but it felt really good since my hair wasn’t straightend and i was just wearing a black pea coat.

I know Im beautiful but I love hearing it from people. =)

I have been told this several times by my awesome hubby which is good enough for me but I have had several other people say the same thing. One person said they saw the beauty on the inside first and then it just radiated outwards. Which is what I am always hoping people see first, beauty is sometimes only skin deep. True beauty goes to the bone.

It meant a lot to me when it was said, no matter what the sayer meant. I feel beautiful as well!

I will never give it up as a goal. Being beautiful is an inside out thing. Happiness and joy brings those feelings to the face and energizes the body and the spirit.

In the course of seeking this goal, I rediscovered color as inspiration. Purple and red clothing, golden brown and red hair. I gave up my older colored hair. I did not just get streaks – I added color all over, because I saw my hair in a different light. Literally.

I can think of my beauty as being visible entirely, or I can move to make it visible. I chose to make it visible, by adding color to my presentation of self.

I AM color!

I dont want to hear I am beautiful. I want to feel beautiful. I want to honestly feel pretty and Sexy. I want to feel it so that I dont need to hear it out of anyone elses mouth. It has been a VERY long time since I can say I have felt that. I dont know how to feel beautiful anymore. Do I buy new clothes? That depresses me more since I am no longer the size I was. I refuse to color my hair- I hate the cost of the upkeep….. Humm… Beautiful….. I guess I better hit the treadmill every single day hu? I am just so depressed lately. I dont want to even get out of bed- I dont want to look in a mirror. It is sad. I miss the old me. I miss the woman my husband married. He does too. Poor guy.

Last weekend I was in a Very deep conversation with my cousin about looks, weight, self esteem and such- when he finally said “Listen, you are not going to like hearing this but you are beautiful.” Then he reminded me of how I used to be- it wasnt that I was more beautiful then. It was my confidence. I truly think that beauty can bud from confidence. It has helped me see that I can be beautiful, when I want to be. And now… I want to be. I plan on taking pride in myself and finding some more confidence. :)

When I give compliments I truly mean them, and I hope one day somebody will call me beautiful and truly mean it. I think all my friends and family are beautiful and I try to remind them, I just want them to tell me that,too.

and it is so weird.

Yesterday I was getting lunch and a woman smiled and walked up to me and rubbed some of my hair in her fingers and said “I love the color of your hair”.

How random is that?

First her hair—short and naturally gray.

My hair is about 14 inches from crown to tips, and I have not added color in over a year. It is extremely varied in color, with some clusters of pale and shining platinum, strands of copper and gold, rat brown, and so on. It must have 18 different colors in it, and ranges from deep tones to light metallics. People think it is streaked by the stylist, and my husband WANTS me to get to the stylist and darken it with some deeper colored streaks. Which I am now in the mood to do.

Maybe today.