decide whether I should do NaNoWriMo this year

but here I sit
when I should have been in bed, asleep a couple of hour ago,
(I’ve been Up nearly 20 hours now)
This this whole book that, seems to be creating itself,
running through my head.
I keep telling myself I can’t do this right now!
There are too many things going on in my life,
too many complications,
I can’t write with my eyes the way they are now
I’m going to be having surgery in Nov.
I have other things to think about.

But this story just keeps unfolding.
It seem to wrap itself around my daily life and I see it piecing itself together as I go through out the day.
My vary struggles seem to cause the story to happen, so to speak.
and it twists and ignites with meaning in my dreams as I sleep.

so here I sit…
thinking…

At first I was thinking about doing a bit of renegade NaNoWriMo by instead of writing a novel working on knocking out the remainder of my ordination papers, confirmation class materials and work on my short story goal in the month of November. But then I realized that while it sounded like a good idea it was actually a horrible idea as all of those things require careful writing and rewriting with revisions to ensure that they get right. Which of course will never work as NaNoWriMo is all about speed writing and putting off proofreading till next month.

this really hurts to write!!!
but I just can’t see the computer screen and the keys well enough to attempt a project that large. I’m have a hard enough time just seeing to make my small posts that I am doing here and on FB, tweeter and for work without getting raging migraines everyday!! To have to finish a whole book in a month and do that with limited sight and eyestrain…. and fighting migraines from that stress
sigh .... I just don’t think I can do it

on top of that, I am may even be looking at surgery for my eyes during this month …. or for one of them … we’ll see

I even planned one of my vacation weeks at work to fall near the end of this month to give me some extra time to write.
but now there is so much going on, and I am having trouble with my eyes. It looks like I may end up needing surgery before the end of the year.
I’m wondering if giving it my best shot, knowing that I will not be able to complete it, will be less frustrating for me, or if it will be too much stress trying to push myself, my eyes and my family to do something that is just to much for me this year.

can I stand to miss out?