Letting go

My feelings, wants and desires towards this died at Samhain. We have decided to become completely eclectic, starting with meditation services in a Hindu temple tomorrow. We have nice plans for other things of a spiritual nature too.

I realize it is my desire to place people on pedestals that got me into this. And I, in the name of political correctness, refused to look at warning signs in people of that community that clearly showed they were out of control. Yet, I wanted them to be something they weren’t. So, in realizing that, the pain is gone, the desire is gone, and I am free. Done.

Peace, health, and blessings to them all.

We went to the woods yesterday, and with the moon almost full and shining on us, we burned his mom’s things (and some strange stuff from his dad) on the fire pit. And I scattered the ashes of his grandmother (his father gave us those, he had kept them on top of the refrigerator of all places), at all points of the compass, with trees and water and felt the connection to the crone goddess in a way I could never imagine before. The breeze took the ashes and we watched them blow away.

And we told his mother to go with her mother, and to join the Wild Hunt, and to bother us no more. This is not her world, it is ours now. The ritual that Je wrote for this was moving and wonderful, and I love that man more than ever. The sun had set, the moon had risen, and the gods and goddesses were about.

Then we had a small meal at a quiet restaurant we like. We went to the pet store to pet baby bunnies (this so affirmed life), went to a party with sober people we love, and called it an early night. We held each other far into the night.

So this is not the way we planned it, or wanted it to be, but we did accept it and did our best to cope, together, alone from community.

that I completely have tried for the last few years to make work out. It involves working the Craft. My friends have been able to make it work beautifully for them, but Je and I can’t seem to connect with this thing. And we are such a good magical couple, without addictions and problems, we like the learn and do what we can to help, and we are happy together. And we are held back, and reasons are not told. All our friends who came in this after us go on the 2, 3 degree, start their own covens and we never go anywhere, stuck at 1 degree forever, tho we work so hard. Last night I heard of a situation where people with less time than us were invited to work higher level magic, and we were not included once again. Of course. And we were told we could not go to the community Samhain, ever to put his mother’s things in the fire (such a healing thing that would be) at the community ritual, because there are reasons “that can’t be told”. Because we are not “high enough level to know”. Once again. We were instructed to work a solitary ritual for Samhain. So we belong to a coven and tradition so we can be alone for this painful, awful time? If we wanted to work solitary, wouldn’t we be solitary? We just don’t get it, and we are so tired of trying. Couldn’t they at least be family to help us mourn her death? We have no physical family, no where else to turn. And this is what Samhain is about

We are done trying, asking hoping. I realize this is classic co-dependency, caring more than they do. So we will be polite, nice, but my heart has finally changed. It’s like a switch goes off, and it’s flipped.

I’m letting go, and concentrating on things I do have power over…

I love my daughter’s father so much, but I know that it’s not reciprocated on the other end, I can feel it. I depended on him for so much and I just wanted to maintain a relationship for the sakes of my daughter. This is not healthy, he has no respect for me and little for his child. He say’s he loves me but i find that hard to believe. He asked me the same I told him yes but I’m not happy. It’s agony seeing him and not having it the way I imagined. This too shall pass and I hope it’s soon, the more I keep myself occupied with things to do the easier it is for me not to think about him. This too shall pass and the day I awake from this nightmare “OH IT’S GONNA BE A HAPPY DAY”.

I can proudly say that I’ve let him go. As much as it hurts, it’s worth it. I didn’t realize that it was over months ago until I realized something with the things that has happened to me.

Letting go will with out a doubt make you feel alot better. I have been through alot latly and I felt that one of the things that had hurt me the most I was not doing well with mainly becouse i was not letting go. I find that busying myself with life has helped. It keeps you from thinking tomuch about what it is thats bothering you. For me it found that once i moved on and could say (and believe) that i had let go it felt better.

...I’m letting go of my feelings with this guy. It’s hard and it hurts sometimes but I just have to. I don’t wanna hold on to him anymore.

i don’t know if someone could make letting go an art. i somehow listened for songs selected in this album. not knowing i’d end up singing those sad songs for myself.i never meant to fall in love. i never planned for it. i just thought of having a friend. it got too deep and it was too late for me to back out. now, i suffer alone. it still isn’t easy. i never told him what i feel. i took the resposibility of letting him go and ending our friendship. what’s to hold when the one you want to hold will not hold you back? it hurts a lot. i know i shouldn’t be imagining “what could’ve beens”, but i can’t seem to resist it. wondering if one day i’d be able to tell him what i feel. and he’d be telling me the same. i’ve cried, i still mourn. i may not know when i’ll recover from these pain. but i know there will be an ending..like all sad songs. it does end.

It seems that after 6 years of love, (for me at least) my girl friend told me that she was going to come home for winter break but only for the day and then she was going back to school. At which time I asked “well then maybe I could come up there and see for a day or two” (knowing that she will be off for a total of 3 weeks) at reply she says “I don’t know if I want you there” ........... that hurts oh so bad. 6 years and that just hurts….. I wish to be able to just let go but its hard. I love her so. But now I question everything. I can not sleep, do not feel hungry, I do not want to work, yet I feel as though I have in so way done something wrong. Yet she simply says “its me” why is it that I long to have what I had an miss so much. I feel that I must learn to let go and hope that in time this deep pain will heal.