Not be afraid of being alone

.. after coming out of a long relationship. I want to be able to enjoy being alone and not feel panicky or like I need a ‘replacement’ for the relationship I had. I think this will build character and help me in my next relationship!

Tomorrow is Alesha Day 2008
I am doing everything alone
hair cut
new shoes
new outfit
going out to dinner
going to the movies

the last two sound kind of scary to me
but i’m excited

For so long, I was working day-to-day to make sure that I was single on purpose and I could stand alone. For almost a whole year, I constantly reminded myself that everyone in relationships are just as miserable as those without.

I didn’t even mean to try to start a relationship with Matt, but it kind of just happened. And I guess that’s the way it should be. Things do seem to be falling apart there though now, and I’m right back to the bottom of feeling alone and empty- like everyone is going to fuck me over for the rest of my life.

I guess I am not really afraid of this, so much. I just don’t want to be alone forever.

you see the thing with me is that i have insight, a deeper understanding of the world, and being a gemini doesnt hurtseeing different veiw point & understanding them
...but the thing is, i have no clue why being alone scares me so much.
usually a fear like this would refer to someones child hood. ive thought for days, but still came up with nothing.
...but not only can i not figure it out, i unfortunatly have another delema. attempting to keep the people i care for close, i do everything in my power to make them stay…but unfortunately it pushes them away .