On Feb. 14 2009 my boyfriend of almost 1 year broke up with me because I was emotionally too depenent on him. My entire life I went about things on my own. Keeping my feeling bottled up, I never spoke to anyone and had little friends. When he and I first started dating we used to argue all the time because I was never open about my feelings and because I would always try to solve my own problems. After about 6 months I opened up and would tell him how i felt about everything. I wasn’t afraid to tell him what I wanted to do what I liked and disliked about a situation. 4 Months later Feb. 13 I got a call from the clinic and was given some pretty bad news. I am a manic depressive, and had run in with some pretty bad drugs that lead me to being slightly Paranoid and was diagnosed with MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) So I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I challenge you to prove to me that you are. Any way I took the news pretty bad and ended up cutting myself, because I had a difficult night and well there were other factors. Early Feb 14 I told my boyfriend the truth about what I had done. He then went on to tell me that I had become emotionally dependent on him and he told me that it would be best if we broke up. I was devasted Ilove him with all my heart. He then said he loved me too and then that if I could prove to him that I can take care of myself than we might get back together. I realized what he had said was true, and am now in pursuit of being Emotionally independent. I am not doing this for him. I am doing this for myself. And I woke up today a mere day later, and I can already feel a change coming over me. I feel very optomistic about my future.
How to be emotionally independent
How I did it: I'm very sensitive to change around me, but I realized that I tend to base my moods off of those around me. If my boyfriend is pissed about something, I think he's pissed at me. If my best friend is having a great day, I'm having a great day. Sometimes that's good (like the great day), but most of the time it's just bad (like when I freaked out and thought I was getting dumped when in reality we were both just very busy). The key to really becoming independent was recognizing that most of my dependency was entirely self-centered. When I stopped projecting myself onto other's feelings (i.e. he's pissed therefore, pissed at me; etc.) I was able to see situations more clearly.
Lessons & tips:
- Recognize your own patterns
- Stay away from people who are emotional vampires
- Remember that your feelings are valid, not just those around you
People doing this are also doing these things:
Entries
happygolovely is making progress. :)
I’ve made a lot pf progress with my goal of being more emotionall independent over the past 9 months or so. Main reason I added it to 43things in the first place was because a lot of times things my boyfriend did (when we were living together) that bothered me would sometimes really really bug me to the point of nearly ruining my day… I’ve gotten a lot better at letting things roll off of me and moving on, not sweating the small stuff. Keeping this goal up a little longer though since I’m not certain I’ve kicked this habit yet, but I’m pretty close! :D
MeJean with a cleaner room & learning about feng shui
I chose to do this, cause I was dependent of what my family thought of me, or how they said who I was to others…
I got over it, but now I’m in a really great relationship with this man i love so much… maybe too much. I’m not blinded by it… but, i get really upset when things don’t go the way I wanted to be… I have some issues with this… in more than me been dependent of him to be capable of getting happy again; i have seek help… let’s see want happens.
SanDiegogirl is a healthy, self knowing extrovert
I have this goal here but don’t really even know where to start. I know it has something to do with not letting my husband’s mood dictate mine. I’ll put some more thought into it. Hopefully I will get some clarity on this.
Rebecca is Nano-ing.
Allowing myself to be emotionally INTERdependent.
I’m marking this one done.
Rebecca is Nano-ing.
I’ve never really thought of that phrase before (“leaps and bounds”) and what it really means.
That’s how I feel right now…like I’m in turn, leaping, then bounding toward joy. I am fully in charge of my own life and am becoming less and less emotionally dependent on others every day.
I love my friends, but I don’t depend on them to “make me” feel any certain way (although I so appreciate their comfort). I love my kids, but know they don’t have responsibility for “making me” feel anything at all (although I do feel love love love for them).
I don’t know when I’ll be emotionally independent enough to mark this goal done, but my progress feels great.
Rebecca is Nano-ing.
...but I have made huge progress toward this goal. And it feels pretty darn good.
Rebecca is Nano-ing.
Working with a life coach has been very helpful, as well as reading “Women Who Love Too Much” by Robin Norwood. I start therapy (again) on Tuesday. I’m finding myself much less likely to ride anyone else’s (or my own) rollercoaster. I like it!
Rebecca is Nano-ing.
Sometimes I forget that.
When I remember this, my heart opens up and starts to tremble and want to soar.
I can learn to ski if I want. I can travel. I can get a hotel room next weekend to get away from the noise of the stepkids. I can volunteer. I can go on a silent retreat, or learn to cook, or grow my business any damn way I please. I can write a(nother) book, take ballroom dancing lessons, or take the day off and sleep all day. I can take my kids on another cruise, and visit my son in CA. My life is not limited to the misery that I’ve been steeped in the last couple of weeks.
I don’t have to let the misery of my relationship constrict me.
