be true to myself

Be true to myself about one aspect of my life that I have always struggled with.

It has become obvious in my therapy that I am not satisfied by anybody or anything. My marriage, my relationships, my friendships, my career, my home….myself.

I feel completely stuck, I know that in order to be achieve satisfaction in any area of my life I need to be satified with myself…and yet I really don’t know how to go about that.

Hmph.

My therapist recently commented that the things I dislike in others may be those things I dislike about myself. A rather over simplified theory I think but with some elements of truth.

I’ve just had a lovely week on holiday with 12 of us plus the dog…however….some of the time I was a grumpy, moody annoying cow. In the theme of ‘being true to myself’ I did a little digging and reflection over what I was actually getting annoyed about and I think I discovered some things about myself.

• I do not like to be taken for a fool although I do care about not hurting people’s feelings in pointing that out.

• I hate being ‘fussed over’ because I pride myself on being independant and self sufficient.

• I want to fit in and please others although I feel jealous of those brave/selfish enough to put their own needs first. As always finding a balance would be good.

• I don’t like to be seen as the ‘baddy’ but I can’t drop something until it is resolved.

• I think awareness of boundaries is vital.

• I can’t stand wingeing in myself or others.

• I care too much about what I look like and I want to change that.

• I like a good argument but in some cases I need to develop a thicker skin.

• I love my family dearly although at times we all drive each other crazy!!

Here’s a pic of us all minus my Dad who took the photo.

Again I have realised that being true to myself includes being true to my belief and feelings towrds others.

My new boss made some (very unprofessional)derogatory comments about a colleague. I couldn’t say nothing and I stood up to my new boss although I risked damaging her view of me.

The next day he raised the issue and said of me ‘I know you are just being kind’ – I had to stand up to her and say ‘I’m not being kind, I don’t agree with your opinion’.

It was uncomfortable but I felt I had been true to myself.

...when I’ve suddenly realised I don’t know myself….at all really.

Eek.

I think too much. Mainly negative thoughts. And I try pretend I don’t, because it doesn’t tie into my idea of how I want to be – I want to be that happy, smiley, cool chick…or atleast make people think I am. But in reality, I am worried, pessimistic and over-thinking. I am dependant and I spend a lot of time talking down to myself. And I blame my teachers at school for ‘ruining me’ so many years ago. It’s stupid, it’s not productive and it makes me even more negative.
But I believe that I won’t be able to change until I accept myself as I am. Yes, I am scared of conflict, I take things way to personally, I am obsessed with what I look like and I’m terrified of making my own decisions. There, I said it. But I am also intelligent, talanted, loving, caring, pretty, friendly and full of knowledge. I need to accept both the good and bad in me to truly be true to myself.

i’m in the process of doing this very thing, but i need to do it in ALL aspects of my life.

but to me “being true to myself” means not making actions based on my insecurities or selfishness, to ignore the people around me that don’t support me, and to follow through on what I know will get me somewhere even though
it takes a lot of work. I feel like I come across as a snob, and judgmental although I’m far from it. I need to relieze I don’t need to think I’m better than people around me to feel secure and strong, because I am worthy of living no matter what.

I was sent here to learn. All of my life, it has grieved me to hurt anyone at anytime…even if it were to my own detriment.

In the process of my attempts to build others up, still someone, somewhere, many times ended up dissatisfied.

It’s not even that I cared what people thought, because I have not been bothered by their judgments. I have just had an aversion to inflicting pain in the lives of others in any way. It has been a blessing and a curse because while my conscience has felt clear, in the process of avoiding hurting others, many times I have lost myself somewhere along the way.

In many cases, being true to myself hasn’t even been in the picture because of the distraction of worrying about the feelings of others.

I have come to realize that I haven’t been acting in an authentic way. My actions in many cases have not been genuine because of the distorted importance I placed on pacifying the feelings of others.

There are a few peoples’ feelings, very few that I will continue to place ahead of my own feelings in the future because I know that is the right action to take in these isolated cases…but I no longer want to engage in behavior that isn’t authentic. I want to be true to myself so that I am able to be true to others.

Be true to yourself. Live your own life – not the life others have decided is best for you. You’ll never gain your own respect and feel good about yourself if you aren’t leading the life you want to lead. If you’re making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren’t being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.