be true to myself

I know I often do too much. And then suddenly my mind gone. Recently I am following my heart to take a rest. Sometimes I feel comfortable. Sometimes I feel myself lazy and guilty. Be true to myself is harder as I thought that I need to know myself.

...I think I’m getting somewhere with this one. On more that one occasion lately I’ve found myself saying ‘hang on a moment, I’m not sure I agree – especially on topics I feel really count.

I feel almost ready to sign off on this one!

I’m looking for who I am and how I’m really thinking.

I’m trying to see & know what I am and what I love to do.

Knowing myself is hard. I’ve been a daughter who always tried hard to be a good girl for my parents. Always try to make them glad and smile. I’ve been trying not to notice my lonliness/

I was the daughter who had a older brother who was very sick and parents who always had a argument in front of us.
My memory of my mom is always upset or crying or telling me the bad thing about her husband or other people. My memory of my dad is always upset and doesn’t seem to like to build the famiy.

I am I. Listen to my heart.

after the event of junior high, one mother who lives near us and told me her son has been bullied by other boy. She’s been saying that her son tends to be bullied but when I know he was one of the type to bully (my son was one of the kid to be bullied by him )and doing it when he was in elementary. I know teachers hae been told her what was happening at elementary school.
Acutually I like her in some way so when I have a chance I would like to tell her what he’s been doing to my son and my son learned a lot from it and they’re having kinda good friendship after many years of struggles.

After the PTA conference, six of us went to have lunch out side of town. I should have leave earlier. I was just tired of too much rumors other people (mothers, students, teachers).

Next time I may not going to lunch.

I’ve ended he relationship I knew had to end. as the say always trust your gut – never steers you wrong.

I have to know myself, know my values, in order to be true to them. I’m finding I’ve supressed many or most of my needs, wants, true feelings for a very long time…at the present moment I am discovering, pearl by pearl, the errant grooves I adhere to – my values. Finally, I can seperate what I want from all the wispy form-wants of “others”, real or percieved. I guess another way to put it is, I was asking myself the wrong questions before – and that’s why I got stuck. “Why can’t I just be what they want me to be, what I should be?” bahhhhh…who needs that shit when I’ve got my own brain. What made me ignore myself for so many years??!!!! That makes me angry. But, I’ve got to start somewhere. “Here” is definitely different; something, if not everything. And so I go…