Grow a backbone!!!

I’ve gotten better. Still work to do, but I’m getting there.

I’ve got a long way to go. This will probably be the most difficult change I’ve ever attempted. I’m really seeing the gap between where I am and where I have to be. Mostly, I see how my career has faltered and how my home life has gotten out of control. I’ve got to start building confidence in my own person—setting my own goals and doing what it takes to make them happen. I’ve got to start standing on my own two feet.

I’ve been pretty mischievous with the new and unexpected roommates. I already hated one of them the first time I laid eyes on him… he’s so rude that he doesn’t even have the courtesy to greet you… let alone turn off the TV/lights when he’s not using it! There’s so many things about him that I detest. About a week ago, I went out into the living room and found him sleeping on the couch with the TV on… so I turned off the TV, washed my dishes and made sure to slam them around, turned off all the lights, and slammed my bedroom door as loud as I could. I know this is very immature, but it’s my way of giving him a taste of his own medicine (I can’t bare to speak to him about this in an adult manner just because I know he won’t listen)... I actually didn’t feel bad at all. Not a bit.

I need to learn to grow a back bone. I am tired of having people walk all over me. My one friend even calls me mat because so many people walk all over me. I am told it is because I am too nice. I was just raised in a really great family where people are nice to each other. The sad thing is the rest of the world wasn’t so I get taken advantage of. It really sucks.

i wanted to write my essay today but the people at the pool outside were being very annoying so i called the owners of the apartment and made a complaint and they dealt with it. i also turned down the tv in the living room… something i often tolerate. i think i’m just too stressed do deal with any disruptions so by doing those things i’m saving myself some unnecessary stress… for once i didn’t feel guilty :)

i was able to gently confront my roommate about how she took the living situation next year into her own hands and made several decisions on her own. i heard all of this through my voicemail and i was pretty furious about it, but i called up a few friends and asked for their opinion (just in case my was blinded with fury and that i was probably throwing it all out of proportion)... and they all agreed that i should talk to her. and so i did, and maybe not in the most perfect situation. it was very difficult because i tried to avoid it for a few hours before replying/seeing her and she comes off as an unapproachable person (despite how long i’ve known her). i hate being confrontational, but i realized that if i am correct about something or if i stand strongly on what i believe in, nothing should stop me to voice my opinion.

i hate it when people push me around and take advantage of me
im the coolest awesomest person ever and i dont deserve to be treated like that
and if people push me around or step all over me ill stand up for myself
because if i dont say anything i keep it inside and ill be angry and a monster comes out of me
so from now on ill stand up for myself
im not gonna care if they get mad because i know m not that b*tchy

i’m so tired of having people walk ontop of me, i don’t like to be mean so i usually give people what they want, but i really need to step up and say no!!!

Im really bad a sticking up for myself. I normally either laugh and let them walk all over me or cry. It really annoys me but i am trying ! It generally backfires on me and is worse than when it started but im gonna keep it up cos it will be worth it!

I stood up for myself and it went a lot better than I expected. I still need to work on this in other areas of my life but at least I’m on my way.