not be so hard on myself

Does admitting that qualify as being hard on myself?

Is having this on my list at all actually defying the item?

I’m making my head hurt thinking about this…

Such silly, trivial things… yet at the time, they make me feel horrible. From misplacing things(and soon finding them) to something I may have said to someone, or something I could have said… However this has improved somewhat already.

Learning to not be so hard on yourself is part of loving unconditionally~ we all make mistakes…and we are all human~
so roll with it…when we learn to accept ourselves with all of our human frailties, we can begin to relax and enjoy life~ enjoy others and BE happy where we are in each moment.

(still haven’t been journaling, dumbass)

I always feel like I should be doing more, doing it better and getting it done more quickly. Always.

Never mind that I do lots of stuff, have achieved tons of my personal goals… pfff. Dumb.

... so I tend to blow things out of proportion and start blaming myself for everything that goes wrong and acting like the world is pretty much ending.

And then of course I discover that things aren’t half as bad as I thought and all my worrying and self blaming and the torture this is for my friends was in vain.

Everything does tend to turn out well in the end. I just need to remind myself of that.

Journaling. Getting that inner harpy out on paper helps a lot… especially if you do it regularly. After the 4th or 5th time you read the same stupid crap, it really loses power.

I haven’t been journaling regularly since we left Arcata. I like to write while sitting in a coffee shop. I’ve been doing it that way so long, I can’t seem to do it anywhere else. Now, I don’t have a comfy coffee shop to hang out in… not within walking distance anyway.

I did start a journal on my compy, since that’s where I spend most of my time now. But it’s not the same as holding my stamped leather book, staring out the window and people watching in a room that smells like roasted coffee. And I don’t write in it very often…hm.

I’ve been feeling ok recently and have come to the conclusion that I should do something special for myself as a sort of treat for working well over the holidays and getting back into school well. I just feel like spoiling myself. :)

I’m not sure how though or what to do. Any suggestions? i’ve been thinking a haircut. Also I wanted to buy a pair of shoes buy could not find any that I liked as I’m very particular. :)

With painting/drawing in particular, and in general too. A small dose of self-criticism can help propel you forward, but doing this excessively isn’t very healthy. Enjoying the process is what it’s all about.

It occurred to me today when I was writing the final “find a job for the summer” entry that it’s really hard for me to allow myself to feel good about getting something done. It seems like my brain always goes to a place where I criticize myself. Like, why didn’t I do that three weeks ago? Or, with the walking in the woods thing, it’s right out back of my domicile, what the hell is wrong with me that I’ve been here for eleven months and this is only the second time I’ve done that? Etc, etc, etc.

I dunno. It seems like I always feel like I need to do stuff perfectly—which, of course, is a fallacy, because in retrospect one can always think of some way one could have done better. It’s kind of crazy, and I know it is, which of course invites another manifestation of exactly the thing I’m talking about…”Well, you know it’s crazy, so stop doing it.”

Ah, were it only that simple. Hee. I dunno. Given my various neuroses and whatnot, it’s really pretty cool when I get stuff done at all. I crossed three things off my 43things list today—two relatively small ones, one big and important one. Not in the most timely fashion, and not in a completely perfect way. But still. I did the business, and that’s not too shabby at all.

I need to try to keep that in mind.

my expectations for myself are sometimes too high, and when I don’t meet them… I get depressed, and think there is something wrong with me… Really what I need to remember, and I keep having to remind myself, is that I am only human… No human being is perfect…