Stop hiding from life.

I’ve been progressing in this goal nicely.
We’ll see.

That is all.

I hid last night… literally.

Everyone was outside having a party.

I stayed in bed.

Boo.

My girlfriend and I have an apartment in a house. The tenants in 2 of the other apartments are our friends…

I spent the last week literally hiding from everyone.

Today I finally came out of my shell and everyone gave me the “you’ve been acting really weird” look.

Why showcase my ineptitude when It’s so much easier to be alone?

In a sense, lately I’ve been living my life to its fullest.
But on the other hand,
I’ve been avoiding anything substantially real.

I’m constantly on and off with this.
One day I’ll feel comfortable enough to go out and experience things and the next I wont. So until I get to a point where I feel no apprehension about leaving the house or just including myself in activities, this goal stays.

About a week ago, my girlfriend and I had plans to go to a friends house. I didn’t go, but she did. After she left to go I got a call from my friend. She was and is extremely upset with me about not coming over, mainly because I spend most of my time alone and find solace in the silence. Ever since this particular day, I’ve spent more and more time alone, just digging myself deeper.

I was so ready to run and hide yesterday.

But I stuck it out and actually enjoyed myself.

I can’t let myself down again.
I can’t let my friends down again.

I totally hid from life today. (yesterday.)

I ignored every phone phone call.

Opted out of going to a party which I had made plans to go to over a week ago.

And the only time I actually left my little cave was to use the facilities.

Although, for the last 2 days I haven’t been doing too well on this goal, but in the grand scheme of things, I have.

As of tomorrow I’m going into the city (New York) for 3 days. MY girlfriend and I had a voucher to see Stomp for tomorrow night, and my parents bought us tickets too see Blue Man Group on sunday. So we’re spending the entire weekend out there.

I personally think I’m doing pretty good at this, even though in a sense I feel like this is just another way for me to avoid “real” life.

I’m still a little anxious about it though.