(not counting this one)
I’m pretty sure that I used to have quite a few more entries, before my “death and resurrection” that time I accidently deleted my account. Robot Joe was super-kind and reinstated my account, but a lot of my old information was lost. So I don’t know how far along this goal I really-and-truly have ever gotten, but I have records at least of these last 20.
I started this goal a very long time ago, when I felt no pride in myself. I was in a deep depression, feeling like I’d never accomplished anything worthwhile in my entire life. I decided I would list 43 different things, each with their own entry explaining it in detail, because I wanted to be able to look back and say my life had NOT been in vain. Tiny as a lightning bug though my accomplishments felt, I celebrated each one. “I may not be worth much, but at least I’ve done THIS!” was my internal scream to the universe.
Having done ANYTHING, I cannot now ever tell myself again that I’ve done NOTHING. It seems stupid and obvious, perhaps, but it mattered to me. I have nothing left of my childhood, or even young adulthood, because in the first place nobody ever celebrated anything I did, and in the second case most of my history got lost during the time when I was homeless. This is me making a record that I WAS HERE. I existed on this planet, and did a few things, and some of them were kinda neat. I’ve learned, I’ve grown, and I’ve made an impact on others around me to some degree.
I look back through the entries in this goal from time to time. It’s amazing to me how much joy I can feel from these little affirmations of worth. Honestly, more than any other goal I’ve ever started, this is one I wish I could share with others, especially others who may lack much self-esteem. It hasn’t been easy to fill this category up. Forty-three is actually quite a large number to reach. But that makes it a pleasant, ongoing goal that covers me for years, as I continue to do things I’m proud of.
It’s okay to be proud. Proud is good. Proud gives you strength and dignity. Proud is not the same as vain. Vanity is when you compare yourself to others, hoping to look better. Proud is just when you stand up to your own full height (whatever that may be), and just joyfully EXIST.
I are Proud Bunny.17 months ago