I have a hard time opening up and trusting people, I’ve never completely opened up or been completely honest with someone, and I’m 16 and there are times when I wish I could talk to someone, for so many years I’ve held things in, and it has just damaged my spirit. I sometimes feel like, if someone knew everything about me, everything I’ve been through or have done, they wouldn’t like me. I sometimes feel stupid for displaying my emotions, If I start crying, I just suck it up and smile or just say my eye is watering or I had something in my eye. I want to be able to tell my friends how I’m doing, and be able to cry in front of them, and not to hold everything in, because it’s damaging to a little girl who’s known nothing but hurt and disappointment since she was 7. I know this is going to take me some time, I have so much to sort out 3 years ago
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ok, so i feel a little weird doing this but i suppose its a start, i guess tonight i’m just feeling like enoughs enough, not as in life’s enough, it’s not that it’s just this huge oppressive force i’m feeling and it’s getting me down, almost as though i’m not really here, its more like i’m going through each day without it feeling as if theres a point, not that necessarily i want lots of points but my motivation has gone, the girl i am has gone and i want her back, i’m studying to be a physical therapist and in the end thats what i wanna do but on placemet at the moment an dmy passion has gone, i wanna feel like i’m helping people, which i guess i am but i’m surrounded by people who are literally jus there, i’m not inspired, even with my friends i feel like there is something missing, i dunno what any of this means but thats me for now 6 years ago
Not long after putting in my first entry on this “thing” I started writing in my MySpace blog. It can be cathartic to share your feelings on a public forum. Not many people may read them, but I konw a few of my friends do and that has created deeper bonds between us.
I feel more comfortable writing about my feeling than I do talking about them verbally.
Of course I can’t put this one down as “I’ve done this” becuase I still have some feelings that I am not ready to share. But at least I have started to make an attempt. 6 years ago
I’ve just started browsing through 43 Thrings about an hour ago, and already I am amazed how open and honest people are in such a public forum. I’m afraid to tell my good friends many of the things I’ve been reading. I think part of this stems from me blaiming myself for whatever issue comes up. For the most part it is self inflicted, but I’m afraid that by sharing people will point out that it’s my fault, and that just scares me. Like them telling me makes it more “real.”
So now I have to try and open myself up more… Already getting nervous. Lets see what happens. 7 years ago