I am redifining this idea of relationship. I am getting ready to think about dating again. About being intimate, but I don’t want to fall headlong into someone like before. I had that twice. It kind of sucks. It’s like taking drugs, the intensity of the infatuation for me. And honestly, I still keep my distance and freak out. Maybe it’s time that I listened to myself. I don’t want to be with just one person for the rest of my life. I do want to walk through life with a partner…but I think it’s ludicrous to think that one person can fulfill all of the things that we need in a partner. I am not a monogamous person. But, that does not need to equal a string of meaningless or temporary relationships either…nor does it mean being alone. Okay, I’ve almost convinced myself that I deserve what I’ve been telling myself theoretically is possible for almost a decade now…
People doing this are also doing these things:
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I never would have believed that it was possible to really love unrequited. I thought I was too proud. And I had him, but I was terrified, and it is ruined. He does not love me that way, so why am I stuck hanging on?
I want to share my life with a partner. The partner. I’m tired of waiting. I want the person who will help me to not be afraid to fall headlong. And who will still be there after the infatuation is over. I’m tired of being hesitant and scared. I’m tired of being fooled. I’m tired of wasting my time with people who are clearly not right and don’t know what they want. I’m still scared and young and maybe not ready…but…maybe I am.
Why do people try to convince you that you are their match or to jump into things, when they don’t really know what they want? I’m so jaded. I just don’t have time to be hurt anymore. Why do people keep trying to pull you in when you’re hesitant and then pull away? I wish people who don’t know what they want wouldn’t try to convince me otherwise. I quit this. I’m just better single. I don’t have a match, I’m whole like this.
the more i think about it, i’m not sure if i’m ready for this or not. i’d definitely someday like to be with someone who is not only head over heels in love with me but supports, respects and genuinely wants to share life with me (not just parts of it). but, right now, i’m trying to get somewhere in my life and trying to keep loving and respecting and learning about myself along the way. i may be too young for all of this falling in love stuff. and i’ve had my share too, even if they weren’t all they cracked up to be…
ceesmiles is getting ready to run another 5K race; 5K has become usual run
but it is still staying at 43.
with my soul mate.
not another person i think is my soul mate, but the real one.
the one that understands what it takes to make it work.
and who won’t get in the way of my 43 things and more. :)
actually, with someone who will help with the 43 things would be good.
I’ve heard rumours – some people even claim to have done it. I’m not convinced, but I’ve definitely heard about it. But it’d be nice, I guess.
You end up feeling rejected and more lonely than ever. I want to fall in love with someone that loves, respects and appreciates me just as much as I do them. Someone that can’t see their life without me in it.
