be true to my word

“All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one.”
-Tony Montana, Scarface

i need to stop:
-lying when i’m simply afraid to say no, agreeing to things that i don’t want to do
-not delivering on promises, making promises out of guilt

i am horrible when it comes to the follow through. i promise and agree to things for all the wrong reasons. i have come to the painful realization that i have lost credibility with many people.

there are so many nuances to this problem of mine that i can’t begin to consider all of them. for instance: i suffer from major social anxiety, so often i’ll agree to partake in a function, and show up extremely late or cancel at the last minute.

i also have problems getting out of the house. is it the anxiety which ties into the procrastination, or just plain laziness or indifference?

i sometimes think that maybe i don’t have enough care or respect for myself to be able to give the same to others. i was raised by parents who perpetually let me down. not to play the blame game, but i feel that this may be why my standards are at rock bottom. if i don’t feel worthy, and wasn’t taught responsibility to myself or others, how then could i begin to be true to myself or anyone else.

i feel that i may be attacking these goals from the wrong angle, in sort of a backward fashion. it’s quite evident that all of my goals are somehow interrelated. now i need to focus on putting them in order.

If you can get here then go for at, ask away
http://www.x-scape.com.au/lyn.nsf/dx/10052006090258PMLSAEXF.htm

Remember the catch is I get to ask a question and you must answer it honestly