be my own boss

I resigned from CT a few weeks ago and my days here are numbered. From this Friday I’ll be on my own in the big wide world. I feel quite bad about leaving and I don’t really know why. They’ve treated me like crap, used me as a scapegoat, underpaid me and mis-sold me the whole deal and yet, I’ve got this feeling of guilt rotting away at my inner-core and I feel as though I’m letting them down. I hate walking away from things and there’s a feeling of failure associated with it as well in that I don’t feel as though I’ve achieved what I wanted to achieve during my time here. 2 months ago

After much fretting and faffing, I’ve decided to draw a line under my employment at CT and walk away while my sanity is still in fairly good shape.

I’ve had enough and it really isn’t for me.

It’s not the job itself as much as it’s the environment. Spending the entire day in a tense and nervous silence, unaware of when shots may be fired across my desk for some screw up that I’ve found myself being the scapegoat for can’t be tolerated for much longer. I only give anyone three red cards and after that, I’m sorry buddy but we need to go our separate ways. This coupled with the early morning commute and the cost of getting myself to work has reinforced my decision to call it quits.

I’m saying goodbye to go self employed for awhile and take on some contract work closer to home. I’ve got to say though, I’m crapping myself over it all. I’ve been in full time employment for the past ten years and ever since I was old enough to hold a full time job I’ve done so. I’ve always had a regular monthly income and I’ve enjoyed the security of knowing that regardless of whether or not I’ve had a good month, I will always have a certain amount going into my bank account to cover the bills. Fast-forward to today, and I have introduced chaos into my world by kicking that certainty in the metaphoric nuts.

This move has it’s advantages of course, otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it at all. It will give me the flexibility I need to concentrate on my degree and next year’s exams, in theory I have the potential to earn more money in the short term and it will also remove a great burden of stress from my shoulders. It also has its disadvantages and while removing one burden of stress, I’m being introduced to a whole new one. I have nightmares about being homeless, jobless, penniless and wifeless if this all goes to hell. I just have to hope that I’m making the right decision here. Both for myself and my family’s future. 2 months ago