do things for me

i am. and i did. i’ve been doing things all for my taste and no one else’s. truthfully. i have no care to what others may think. i sing and i dance and i do exactly what i feel like. it may seem selfish to follow my happiness withouth caring what others may feel in the process, but happiness doesn’t exist without being selfish. and if i feel so grand at this very moment for doing all that i ask of me, then i will continue to do so:)

I need something that will make me feel better. Blehhhhhh

I always feel the need to make everyone around me happier than i am ? I never do what I want just what ive been told or made to do.

i’m tired of doing things for other people-like doing something so that i can recieve praise for whatever it is i did.

from now on-i’m doing it all for me and no one else. i don’t care anymore. i care about me now. what it is that i want.

So I decided to study at home tonight. My stupid roommates decided to apparently have a bunch of people over and smoke and listen to loud music. Okay, its only like three people probably, but, ugh. I should do tell them to go downstairs or I should tell them to turn their music down, but I don’t want to be the downer. I don’t know why. Ugh…

I seem to often find myself going to class because Zach will be there or getting online because Nick will be there, or.. well there are others that don’t involve boys, but that’s all I can think of right now for some reason. I don’t like it. I don’t like that I think first about what other people will think and then remember to go back and think about what I want. Or, okay, not eating a pickle because Nathan and Jon are there, or not putting posters on my walls because people will see them and judge me. I need to stop this. I do. I think it’s a big one. A big, life changing something that I need to do that I assume will make me infinitely happier.

i’m always trying to do what other people want me to do.. and i never really take the time to figure out what it is that i want… and i think that’s important for me to be happy