let go of fear

It went well, they liked me, they really liked me…

Today I have an interview in a new school district. I pray that I get it because I truly believe that I will be alot happier there. I am a little hesistant because I just bought a house last year and I am have tenure where I am. I am willing to give up tenure in the hope of finding a district that I will jump out of bed and be happy to work in. I want to be part of the team that will make positive changes for young people. I am going to leave it to God… and see what happens…

I’ve actually let go of a lot of my fears compared to how I was in the past, but I am still afraid of a few things…

You know how you just know something in your gut…you can feel a significant shift, even if you can’t verbalize it or provide specific examples? That’s what’s going on here right now. I know that I have conquered multiple fears so far even if I can’t say exactly what they are…many are surrounding relationships and committing to something and someone…many have to do with day to day life and things that I will or won’t accept…I still have a slight fear of heights and of flying, but I can deal with those…the truly limiting ones…the ones that have made me unhappy in the past…I face them full-on whenever they come up and I control my reactions and behaviors…I feel like that is the difference and that is why I can call this complete for now.

I realize that I am afraid of relationships. I am shy and I find it hard to talk to someone that I am interested in. I have overcome my shyness to a certain extent, but I let my insecurities get in the way. I have been trying to lose weight for years. My friends say I look great, but I get hung up on my weight and fears. I guess that is way I have not lost the weight. There is this guy that I have been trying to let go for a long time. A older friend of mine keeps on telling me that she thinks he is interested, but I don’t think so. I have known him for 2 years and we went out once. I get stuck on stupid when I like someone. I am actually afraid that he may be interested and just confused…

I just noticed that it’s mostly females who have this goal--looks like maybe 28-30 out of 31—what is up with that? Hmmmm…

okay, so one thing i have to do here is not let past circumstances prevent me from taking positive actions now. For instance, just b/c i was once laid off from one job 7 years ago does not mean that i am going to be laid off again just b/c work is slow…got to stop worrying…besides, i actually enjoyed the time off ;)

hmmm…this is vague…will work on specifics so i can actually accomplish…

This goal is ongoing but I have accomplished it in many ways at different times. So I am declaring it complete and ready for something else.

I can’t tell the difference between irrational fears and fears that I have for my own safety.